1. You’re the token ginger of the group.
You never see more than one in any friendship group, so what does that tell you? Quotas are quotas. Just be grateful your ‘friends’ are doing their bit.
2. Whenever you stand next to someone with dark hair and glasses, well…
“Red hair and a hand-me-down robe. You must be a Weasley.”
3. You get abuse every time you go down the biscuit aisle.
You went in for a pack of Hobnobs and came out with an identity crisis.
4. You got kicked out of the jazz band because you have no soul.
Your clumsy bass playing gave that away instantly.
5. You start to burn within five minutes of going outside, like the vampire you are.
Not an exaggeration.
6. Unless you cover yourself in SPF8,000 suncream every 30 seconds.
7. You’re part of the number one threat to humanity.
Stay strong, people. Through vigilance and effective contraception, we can end gingervitis.
8. Your skin is so pale you’re see-through/a ghost/deathly ill/blinding everyone within a five-mile radius.
Take your pick, they’re all true.
9. Your pubes are red. So red, in fact, it’s almost as though your crotch is on fire.
If only there was a succinct way of using that as an insult. Oh well.
10. You’re the product of a genetic experiment rather than a set of loving parents.
Behold: the miracle of ginger life.
11. Or the literal spawn of Satan.
12. Your freckles are nature’s way of telling you that life won’t be easy.
“Hold still” – the two words every ginger has heard more than anyone.
12. The only thing you have to look forward to in life is going grey.
Never give up hope.