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1st February 2018
01:08pm GMT
The housemates were taking part in some kind of nonsense task that involved Ann presenting a panel show. Big Brother enlisted the aid of some pretty high tech gear which consisted solely of a computer monitor displaying Microsoft PowerPoint. Rather than properly rigging up an autocue system to give off an air of professionalism about things, Ann was lumped with reading off a PowerPoint slide. They hadn't even activated the presentation, the slides just sat there static. Anyone that's been to college will understand the unbridled rage that ensues from a lecturer doing an entire class without actually starting the PowerPoint presentation, instead accepting defeat and scrolling manually through the slides. It's a very disappointing way to see out the college experience and heartbreaking to see trickling into the sanctity of Celebrity Big Brother as well.
2. Amanda's panel show posture is exquisite
As evidenced above, Ann, Ashley and Wayne have adopted the standard upright posture that we've come to expect from panel shows. They appear to be engaged, even touching their hands with excitement. Then we get to Amanda, who is wearing a jumper that legitimately says 'Tomato Soup'. She's braced for impact. Her back is slightly slouched, her hands are evenly spread on the desk as if in preparation for an x-ray and her face suggests that she's ready to unleash the full wrath of her being. Amanda, more affectionately known as Alma off Coronation Street, might just be the breath of fresh air that British panel shows are in dying need of. She couldn't hold back even if she tried, nor should she. Alma for Prime Minister, frankly.
3. Ann says 'make a personal noise' instead of 'break wind'
Ann Widdecombe, lest there be any doubt remaining at present, is the most ridiculous person alive. Not only does she roll her eyes at absolutely everything, it has now become clear that she cannot even bring herself to utter the term 'break wind'. Once the CBB producers eventually located the 'start slideshow' button on Microsoft PowerPoint, things swiftly got underway on this fake panel show. Ann was presenting and therefore upholding all manner of discussions. When it reached her turn to say 'break wind', Ann said "Oh for goodness sake", then swapped out the offensive term for "make a personal noise", which is tragically just the tip of Ann Widdecombe's ridiculous iceberg. Making a personal noise does not pertain to farting, it's more like when you whisper "fuck sake" to yourself every time someone in work asks you to do something.
4. Wayne legitimately said "I wish I had a camera", despite being in the Big Brother house
The final five were treated to a bit of a party complete with beverages and nibbles, to which Wayne reacted with "Oh I wish I had a camera", presumably to take a photograph of the decor. The soirée was comprised of some balloons, a bit of finger food and a few cocktails, but such is the criteria for a Wayne Sleep photograph, evidently. He's sure to be kicking himself after missing out on such a perfect photo opportunity. Perhaps he could enquire as to whether Big Brother happened to capture any footage with their 24 hour rolling cameras covering every crevice of the house at all times. It's likely that Big Brother might have caught some of it. In fact, it's 100% guaranteed, such is the essence of the show. Wayne, you bloody moron.
5. Ann disrespected Lady Gaga and therefore must be reprimanded immediately
A firm hater of everything fun, Ann proved her stance on Queen Lady Gaga by blocking her ears throughout the entirety of the internationally recognised banger that is 'Born This Way'. This is the second time she has disrespected the music industry and could prove detrimental to her career. Just a few weeks ago we saw Ann putting a towel over her head so as to drown out the sound of Rihanna one morning, something which has truly shaken the talented artist to her very core. Ann Widdecombe hates everything and everyone. But if you're going to come after Queen Lady Gaga, you better have an army the size of Europe to back you up. Such heartfelt lyrics as 'I'm beautiful in my way, cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way' deserve the utmost respect.
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