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10th Jun 2018

Everyone is saying the same thing about the kissing noises on Love Island

Can the producers sort it out?

Oli Dugmore

Can the producers sort it out?

Far be it from me to suggest that the purpose of Love Island may be to facilitate a daily hour of TV focused solely on the bits before, during and after kissing. Actually, I’d go as far as to say it’s the programme’s raison d’etre.

So, put yourself in the production gallery. You’ve got your dream job, making Love Island. And the sound guy, or whatever, is doing the audio work. The levels. And he turns to you and says “Oli, I know we’re showing this lot simultaneously tonguing each other when we turn off the lights, but I think it could be a little more explicit. I think the soundscape is a little bit lacking.”

Would you not say “Go on Gareth turn it up to 11, make it sound like they’re eating ramen in the dark with a CD”?

You would. Course you would. We all would.

And yet the masses are dissatisfied. In fact, I’d go as far as to say they’re raging.

Don’t ever let someone tell you pornography isn’t art.