Day 17
We are so close. The finish line is in sight. I’m A Celeb 2018 is wrapping up and we are nearing freedom with every waking moment.
Last night’s show was good, wasn’t it? We found out Harry Redknapp’s favourite dinner (toad in the hole) and we got to see every part of Nick Knowles’ naked body, aside from his actual penis. All in all, not a bad sequence of events.
It was funny, some funny things happened, it was funny. I’m running out of ways to stress that in these intros. Please just trust my judgement.
Here’s six moments from last night’s I’m A Celeb that you might have enjoyed and even fancy revisiting. Or not. Up to you, really.
1. Nick Knowles went to collect water in his knickers because he is a sportswear model now
There was no real need for Nick to head down collecting water in a pair of Speedos. He could’ve worn regular clothes, just like Emily, but he simply didn’t want to. Nick Knowles desired to put on a show for the British public and that has to be admired. We’re tuning in every night for a healthy dose of entertainment, but what we really need is to see the saggy body of a 56-year-old DIY guru scurrying through the Australian jungle with a 28-year-old actress by his side. Nick’s reasoning was because he didn’t want to get his clothes wet, but the real truth is that he wants to land a sportswear modelling gig when he leaves the jungle. It’s clear as water. Water that was nowhere near his body, thereby removing the need for being mostly naked in the first place.
2. Someone got a front row seat at the Bushtucker trial and seemed deeply uncomfortable the entire time
Someone, a stranger, got to sit ringside at Emily, Nick and Harry’s Bushtucker trial kitted out in I’m A Celeb garb. But that’s not the outrage. You see, he didn’t seem one single bit appreciative of getting to sit mere centimetres away from Harry Redknapp, a man whose favourite dinner is toad in the hole and favourite dessert is jam roly-poly. The opportunity was completely squandered by this uncomfortable commoner, well, at least until someone who the comments underneath this article will smugly inform us all is actually an experienced animal handler ready to step in should anything go wrong. Sometimes it’s more fun to pretend though, you know? Live a little.
3. Emily tried to make a move on Jamie Redknapp, using his father as bait
You have to respect the hustle. Emily Atack saw her shot and she took it, albeit with the wrong Redknapp. Emily, Rita and Harry were chatting about their famous relatives when Emily launched an aggressive but honourable line of pursuit, asking whether Jamie was single or not. When Harry confirmed that he was, Emily really went for it, promising that she looks good with fake tan on, then Rita chimed in and suggested that Jamie should Google her for a more accurate representation of her looks as opposed to her current state in the jungle, which is also how she looks. Emily then promised Harry that she would make an excellent daughter-in-law and honestly, it’s all very much in God’s hands now. Best of luck, Em.
4. Playful alliteration has died. RIP you will be missed
Kev’s Karwash. That’s the name of the carwash in the jungle. Kev’s Karwash. The set designer was likely to have been inspired by The Simpsons, specifically the episode which featured ‘Krusty’s Kharity Klassic’ tennis tournament. Playful alliteration is always a treat, but I’m A Celeb 2018 has officially killed it. It has died. It is no longer with us. Nobody is allowed to misspell things using alliteration anymore. It’s over, we’ve had our fun but now it has been ruined. Pack up your things, move on, find a new hobby. Might I suggest altering the kerning on popular fonts, or binge drinking. Whatever it takes to get you through this undoubtedly difficult time. RIP.
5. They turned Harry Redknapp into an egg!!!
As is tradition on every series of I’m A Celeb, the annual episode where someone gets turned into an egg took place last night. This year, it was Harry Redknapp who drew the short straw and ended up getting turned into an egg by the jungle leader. It was a sad time for fans of Harry as he may never hatch back into the beacon of light that he once was, especially not now since they turned him into one of the vital ingredients of a jam roly-poly and slowly cooked it on the fire. Harry Redknapp will, in a way, live on forever as he is now immortalised into a delicious treat, one that can be enjoyed on its own or with a variety of accompaniments such as custard, ice cream or a dusting of icing sugar. His sacrifice to the I’m A Celeb Gods shan’t be forgotten.
6. We got a sneak peek at the new Fast and the Furious movie and it looks mediocre at best
*movie trailer voice* Two worlds collide as Fleur East and a guy from The Vamps must drive their car very fast through an elaborate obstacle course deep in the middle of the Australian jungle. Will they end up being both fast and furious? Find out when the movie hits a theatre near you in January 2019. Just kidding, that would be a straight-to-Netflix production and we all know it. Still, it turns out Fleur East can’t drive for shit and James can’t give directions equally for shit. It was a sick car that they got to drive around in whilst being pelted with a variety of wet, sticky and dry items sourced from the jungle, all in the name of entertainment. This show is insane. It ends in four days. Stick with us. I’m A Celeb is wrapping up. The end is nigh.
Images via ITV
