I’m out of here, get me a celebrity!
Not sure if you’ve heard, but I’m A Celeb 2019 is now underway.
To be fair, this year there are some actual celebrities in the jungle, so that’s a bold strategy which will hopefully pay off for everyone involved.
Last night’s launch was a huge triumph in the sense that they made a Girls Aloud member cry, a very large man got hungry and Ian Wright managed to burn rice.
It’s shaping up to be a good series, possibly even a great one depending on the celebrities’ willingness to fight with each other for sport.
Here’s six incredibly important things you might’ve missed during last night’s show.
1. Nadine had a very weak pre-prepared joke for Kate Garraway
During their heartfelt welcomes, Nadine and Kate were clearly very giddy to see each other. In a refreshing turn of events, the celebrities didn’t pretend not to know who would be entering the jungle with them. Nadine had clearly done her research and consulted her inner comedian to aid their introductory patter, telling Kate that she’s used to seeing her in the mornings (because she typically presents breakfast show). It’s a joke, that is undeniable, but could’ve been a lot better. For example, Nadine could’ve said “I’ve never seen you up close before, usually you’re so Garraway”, as in far away. It’s good, just takes a minute to get it.
2. Mere minutes into the launch of the series, there was a stunning reference to Pizza Express fanatic Prince Andrew
“Remember, not everyone can sweat”, Dec joked, setting the tone for what could well be one of the greatest series of I’m A Celeb ever made. This year the gags are going to be bolder than ever, you can practically smell it. No stone will be left unturned. There’ll be jibes about Brexit, the PM’s Dad previously entering the jungle and being used to spending time amongst slimy creatures, perhaps a jab at the vegans or even a quick riff about the price of certain frog-shaped chocolate bars. Watch out, Britain, no one is safe. High brow comedy is coming for us all.
3. The celebrities were dressed like Supermarket Sweep contestants
Not really that important, just thought it was funny to see literal celebrities having to dress up in colour-coded outfits as if they’re the Tweenies or on Supermarket Sweep. In essence, what makes I’m A Celeb such a triumph of a show is the fact that we get to watch famous people being very mildly tortured and truthfully, that’s what life is all about. They’ve had it too good for too long. They’ve got Nando’s black cards, chauffeurs to and from events and probably have met Her Majesty The Queen. Now, let’s make them eat kangaroo bollocks for sport.
4. The wind very briefly gave Dec an extreme Mam Fringe
For some reason, every woman at approximately 45 years of age gets the exact same haircut. My mum has it, your mum has it, even your mum’s mum had and possibly still has it. Hairdressers are laughing. Their jobs are so much easier because they only need one singular reference photograph for mature women’s hairstyles and that image is of Hyacinth Bucket. For a split second during last night’s I’m A Celeb, the wind gave Dec a Mam Fringe. He didn’t notice and therefore is probably none the wiser, but I saw it, and I rewinded, and I screengrabbed it because this kind of content is important to me.
5. Nobody! Wore! A! Seatbelt! Not! Even! The! Insects!
While the winning teams were escorted into the jungle via helicopter, the rejects had to drive themselves to camp using a very grubby vehicle decorated with gigantic spiders. Fair enough, fun and games are an important part of the show EXCEPT THAT NOBODY, NOT A SINNER IN THAT CAR WAS WEARING A SEATBELT, NOT EVEN THE BUGS. The viewership for I’m A Celeb is gigantic. All it takes is one impressionable youth to see Kate Garraway dressed head-to-toe in blue and not wearing a seatbelt to be influenced and then go off and do the same. I have filed a complaint with Ofcom and await their response. We cannot have the adults of the future thinking it’s okay to dress like a primary colour forego wearing a seatbelt in a moving vehicle.
6. Jacqueline paid subtle tribute to the upcoming Sister Act musical
Whoever had ‘1 day’ in the sweepstakes for how long it would take for the celebrities to start wearing knickers on their heads, please make yourself known to the staff and we will get you sorted with your prize. In the year of our Lord 2019, celebrities must try to stay relevant however they please. Jacqueline is a hustler, she’s got her sights set on life after the jungle, same as her competitors. This was not the act of a woman trying to keep her hair bug-free throughout the night, this was the act of a woman trying to get a role in Sister Act: The Musical. Frankly, you have to respect the hustle. Amen.
Images via ITV
