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7th December 2018
01:41pm GMT
His back was turned the entire time it was going on! Of course Nick doesn't believe that we landed on the moon, he was distracted when it happened. Nick and Anne got into a heated discussion on I'm A Celeb a few nights ago where he tried to air his conspiracy theory about the moon landing being entirely fake. Naturally, Anne put his lunacy very swiftly to bed, but he persisted with his illogical beliefs. Now, it all quite literally comes to light. As evidenced from the above image, Nick wasn't paying attention to the moon on July 20, 1969, when he was just 7 years old. His back was turned. He turns his back on history, just like he's doing here when Anne left the jungle. Nick Knowles has exposed himself to be a liar and a fraud. He is hereby cancelled.
2. James' Rudolph costume was completely inaccurate
What's the main selling point of Rudolph, aside from the fact that he is a reindeer? Ah yes, it is indeed the vibrancy of his nose. As the classic Christmas song goes 'Rudolph the black-nosed reindeer', no wait, it's red. His nose is supposed to be red. I'm A Celeb has destroyed the sanctity of an entirely fictional character by failing to adhere his costume to urban legend. This is an unforgivable mistake and one that's sure to surface in Ofcom's complaints list in the coming days. What's next? Is Santa a former X Factor contestant? Is Holly Willoughby replacing Ant? Does Harry Redknapp love jam roly-poly? Sure, pull the other leg while you're at it, I'm A Celeb.
3. Emily Atack revealed that she legitimately fancies the candle from Beauty and the Beast, which is fucking hysterical
Charlotte Hinchcliffe off The Inbetweeners fancies Lumière from Beauty and the Beast, pass it on. The campmates were discussing strange attractions they've had, when Emily just absolutely went for it and revealed that she's got a soft spot for the candlestick Lumière, as well as all of the characters in Avatar, Aladdin, every Disney prince, Woody from Toy Story and also just everything in the animated universe at large. Fleur fancies Buzz Lightyear and Martin Kemp, John Barrowman fancies Paddy McGuinness and honestly it's near impossible to say which of these revelations is truly the worst. They've lost it. Every single one of them has lost the plot.
4. The celebrities stumbled across Dec's hotel in the jungle
Harry, John and Emily went for a midnight wander through the jungle on the way to their next trial and accidentally stumbled across Dec's hotel room. Dec described the residence as being incredibly spacious, with ample amenities and a great earthy vibe. He plans on staying their for all future series of I'm A Celeb as it's "the perfect fit" for him. Do you get it? The joke is that Declan Donnelly is quite small, so this tiny house would be the perfect place for him to lay his head at night. Small people find comfort in small things. That's it. That's the joke. Thank you. I am a comedian now.
5. We got a sneak peek at the new Goldilocks and the Three Bears reboot and it looks promising
In a logical move for the celebrities, Harry, Emily and John decided to put together an audition tape for a Goldilocks and the Three Bears horror reboot. They savvily put their time in the I'm A Celeb jungle to good use as they hope to score some work once they leave Australia. Their performances were truly moving, with Harry playing the role of Mummy Bear to absolute perfection. Rumours of Oscar nominations were swirling around the internet sphere late last night and it's a good shout. We wish them the best of luck with their future endeavours and look forward to seeing who gets cast as Goldilocks. If it's anyone other than Anne Hegerty, they can scrap the whole thing, tbqh.
6. John Barrowman proudly announced, then very quickly renounced that he was a bushman now
Having been bitten by a huntsman spider, John Barrowman proudly declared that he had become a bushman as a result. Quickly realising that this sounded as though it entailed some life choices that he wasn't privy to, John then renounced the statement and settled back into his life as a non-bushman. If movies have taught us anything, it's that being bitten by a spider means that you instantly turn into a superhero and can shoot webs out your butthole and other various orifices. John Barrowman is now Spider-man and we must treat him accordingly. For starters, let's get him in a lycra suit and get him to tackle the ongoing Brexit crisis talks.
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