Please accept this as my official Pulitzer Prize entry.
I got drunk at the weekend and watched
A Dog's Purpose. I was feeling emotional and slightly giddy at the time, so I decided to document my every thought. Truth be told, I went into this situation blind. I knew nothing about the movie and still firmly believe that a dog's purpose is solely to be adorable.
What follows is a selection of notes I took during the movie (which I've now made legible in the sober light of day).
My name is Ciara and this is my story.
1. Dogs = precious
Self explanatory, still feel the same way.
2. Does puppy choose family or family choose puppy?
It's a much deeper thought than I expected to encounter on this journey. What I'm getting at here, I believe, is that a dog might bark and bite a potential selector when he/she comes to buy them if it gets a bad vibe. Basically, it's not going to be very forthcoming to their advances. Alternatively, if a dog digs your vibe, he/she will act extremely adorable in front of you. Hence, it is indeed the dog that chooses you through a very gentle display of mind control.
3. Puppies look like Harrison Ford
This is indisputable, actually. Someone once made a meme of a puppy that looked exactly like Harrison and few of us have been able to forget it.
Proof.
4. Leave dog in hot car - death penalty
Tipsy me speaks THE TRUTH. It's too dangerous to leave your dog in the car on a hot day because he might drive off to get an ice cream and then drip it all over the seats.
5. French dogs bark in French?
Valid question, do dogs from different countries bark in that language? Can a dog tell if another dog is the same nationality or not?
6. I know 4 dogs named Bailey
That's true. Also 3 Charlies.
7. Technology to hear dog thoughts??
It's 2017 and we still don't have hover cars or a way to hear what our dogs are thinking / what they'd like to say to us. Elon Musk please help.
8. Happy as a dog that's got head out car window
At our very core, all humans want to feel is a similar unbridled sense of contentment like that of a dog with his/her head out a car window.
9. Guide dogs pissed - other dogs don't have jobs
If I was a guide dog and I met another dog that didn't have a job, I'd be absolutely livid with my owners. Most dogs don't have a job but you've got me working round the clock? I'd form a union straight away.
10. Dogs mess house to distract from missing us
Every dog has destroyed the house at some point when left alone, but maybe it's their way of letting us know that they miss us. It's beautiful and nobody should ever be mad at a dog again.
11. Dogs Trust -
misleading
Why call your business Dogs Trust if you are not selling the trust of a dog, tbh.
12. Dog eating hotdogs? Bad?
A dog ate a hotdog during the movie. Is this cannibalism?
13. Buy dogs to blame farts
There's definitely a few sick individuals out there that have bought dogs just so they can blame their farts on them.
14. Do dogs know they are dogs?
Tipsy me is deep.
15. Where is white dog shit?
I haven't seen white dog shit since childhood. Where has all the white dog shit gone?
16. Dogs - battleship - K9
When dogs play battleship they probably have a small LOL when one of them guesses K9.
17. How dogs wear pants?
Did they ever resolve how dogs would wear pants from that
meme?
18. Dog in yard at school
In my adult life I still haven't felt excitement at the same intensity as when a dog came into the schoolyard.
19. WTF DOG REINCARNATED?
The dog in the movie got reincarnated, spurring an important thought process wondering whether all dogs are Buddhists?
20. Police dogs don't carry guns - good
It's probably a good decision that police dogs aren't armed given the human track record.
21. Queen corgi autobiography?
I'd read it tbh.
22. Dog injection confused
There's no possible way for dogs to know that injections are actually good for them. We must protect them at all costs.
23. Human sniff butt
If humans sniffed each others' butts to make friends, the world might actually be a much nicer place.
24. Dog reincarnated - buy same dog?
What if your dead dog gets reincarnated and you accidentally buy the same dog again because it recognises you and chooses you as per point #2 above?
25. Dennis Quaid
Dennis Quaid is in the movie, apparently.
26. Rocky = Thumper???
I had a pet rabbit called Thumper, he died, I got a replacement called Rocky, he also died, but was he an incarnation of Thumper? Woah. Also RIP.
In Conclusion:
I don't remember a large amount of what happened during the movie, but it dawned on me way too far into it that the same dog was being reincarnated over and over again, which was the entire premise of the film. In the end, he reunited with his first owner and helped him find his old girlfriend. Did I cry at that point? Yes, I am not above admitting that I absolutely did. The film brought back unsettling feelings from that time I watched
Marley & Me, mostly because this particular film shows the death of three or four dogs just to get the perfect ending. It's fucked up. I do not approve.
