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10th December 2018
01:59pm GMT
Generally when I'm A Celeb gets down to the final three, you expect the numbers to decrease, except in this year's show, they added in another celebrity on the final night. Canadian DJ and producer Deadmau5 made his way into the Australian jungle to take part in a Bushtucker trial. His hit songs 'Ghosts 'n' Stuff' and 'Strobe' are much beloved in the electronic music scene, so it's likely that his hordes of fans excitedly welcomed his arrival into the jungle last night. Do you get it? The contraption on Emily's head looks a bit like Deadmau5's trademark helmet. That's it. That's the joke. Thank you.
2. John Barrowman figured out a genius way to communicate with restaurant staff when your mouth is full
Scene: You're in a restaurant. After a gruelling wait, your food arrives. You're ravenous, shovelling various items into your mouth at an unprecedented rate that's starting to frighten you a small bit. You try to pace yourself for fear of choking, but to no avail. This is a mission and you are the solo voyager. Then, a waiter approaches the table right as you shove a giant forkful of pasta down your gullet. He wants to know how everything's going, but you can't open your mouth for fear of being outed as a pig. You're snookered and convinced that the waiter timed his approach in the ultimate malicious act. Enter: John Barrowman's technique, pictured above, which we are now calling The Barrowman. He's a genius. Life is better now. Christmas is saved.
3. Harry had to visit medic Bob after revealing that he's a fan of The Vamps
As with every time someone comes out as a fan of The Vamps, a quick trip to a medical professional is a mandatory procedure to ensure that their ears are in perfect functioning order. Usually they'll get a thorough cleaning, after which the subject is played a short clip of one of The Vamps's songs, where they can then identify clearly that it is clearly garbage. In Harry's case, a small bug had crawled into his ear and was muffling the sound, telling Harry that the music was good despite it being actual trash. Easy mistake to make. [Legally I must declare that this is a joke. The Vamps aren't too bad actually. They're fine. Their music is okay. Please don't come after me, Vampires].
4. HARRY REDKNAPP HAD STICKY! TOFFEE! PUDDING! FOR HIS FINAL DESSERT IN THE JUNGLE!
In an unprecedented turn of events that has shaken viewers worldwide, Harry Redknapp chose to have sticky toffee pudding for his final dessert in the jungle, rather than the love of his life, a slice of jam roly-poly. It made no sense, the man has put forward a more than sufficient case to convince us that his favourite dessert is jam roly-poly throughout the series. It should've been a no-brainer. But he panicked, Harry Redknapp panicked and ordered the demon's treat, a sticky toffee pudding and ate it with an uncomfortable amount of enthusiasm. To add salt to the wound, he then announced afterwards "I should've had the jam roly-poly pudding". The man has lost it. They got him out of that jungle not a moment too soon.
5. Anne had another glass of the jungle's finest cola export
Conspiracy theorists went wild when Anne downed a glass of blended fish guts on I'm A Celeb because it looked a tiny bit like Coke, in the sense that it was a dark colour and served in a tall glass. It was never Coke, but what fun is there in quenching a fire when you can add fuel to it with your misguided words? None. Precisely none. So let's feed the beast, or The Governess in this case. Anne Hegerty drank Coca Cola during that Bushtucker trial and then she returned to the studio for another frosty glass of cola during last night's final to let us know that she got away with it and fooled us all. She beat I'm A Celeb. Also, the moon landing was fake, 9/11 never happened, Brexit is a myth and Mr Blobby doesn't have any genitals.
6. Nick Knowles injured his arm immediately upon leaving the jungle, which is suspicious???
Get your mind out of the gutter, honestly. We need to think logically about why Nick Knowles has got kinesiology tape on his upper arm after leaving the I'm A Celeb jungle, but also in a PG manner. Realistically, if you'll cast your mind back, Fleur East called it last week. Nick was doing sit-ups on his bed, ergo cheating at exercising, then doing a bizarre set of worm-like push ups afterwards. His form was bad, he didn't do any stretches and frankly he was disgracing the fitness world with his amateur antics. Fleur watched in horror and warned him of the dangers of incurring an injury, which is probably what has happened, meaning Fleur East is a powerful wizard who can predict the future. Either that or he was pulling the wang off himself since he left the jungle. Anyway, merry Christmas!
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