Six hilarious moments from last night's I'm A Celeb
Much like time, whether you choose to pay attention to it or not, I'm A Celeb 2018 is progressing at an alarming rate.
Last night's instalment saw Anne taking on the Bushtucker trial, which involved the extremely unrealistic task of going into a hospital and spending mere seconds in the waiting area before going into surgery. Perhaps the most harrowing part of the ordeal was the return of a former I'm A Celeb contestant.
Elsewhere, Fleur and Noel secured the Dingo Dollars in return for what is the most offensive quantity of scampi fries the world has ever seen.
All in all, it was another decent episode and the TV licence fee is once again slightly justified, albeit still a ridiculous expense.
Here's six hilarious moments you might've missed.
1. Noel used his own saliva to clean dirt off Malique's face and is therefore his Dad now
Noel was interacting with Malique in a very Dad way. He folded his clothes, helped get his three personal belongings in order and then proceeded to apply saliva to his thumb and attempt to clean Malique's face. For some, this would be a step to far. But for Noel Edmonds, it was exactly the right move to secure Malique as his own son. The adoption process is different in Australia, Noel knows that. All it takes is one fatherly act such as cleaning the boy's face with his saliva, or taking him for a drive to the petrol station when he says he's bored, and now Malique is legally his son. Congratulations to both, we wish them the very best on their new adventure together.
2. The addition of syringes in the Hellish Hospital felt a smidge overboard
Yes, we get it. The Bushtucker trials are big business on I'm A Celeb. The sets are elaborate, the campmates are meant to believe that they are really in the midst of whatever themed trial is happening. But did they really need to include syringes into proceedings? A used bedpan, sure. Some freshly-removed appendix, sure. A recently-amputated leg, knock yourself out. But syringes? Gross. This isn't the NHS. Anne Hegerty is the third smartest woman in the world. A scattering of syringes is unnecessary, she understands how imagination works, she can pretend to be in a HeLlIsH hOsPiTal without visual aids.
3. Gillian McKeith made her long-awaited return to the I'm A Celeb jungle
It's been eight years since Gillian McKeith burst onto the I'm A Celeb scene with her incredible performance. So it was heartwarming to see her making a return on last night's show, playing the role of a haggard nurse in the Hellish Hospital. Credit where it's due, she's ageing like a fine wine, somehow looking even better than she did in 2010. Is she Benjamin Button? Is that what's happening here? It's incredibly likely, tbqh. Gillian if you are reading this, I am sorry. It's a joke. You do not look like that nurse. Also, can I send you a photo of my poop for a general health checkup? Please. It's been on my bucket list for years.
4. Harry finally learned how to talk (and rap) like a #cool #teen
Malique and Fleur took it upon themselves to teach Harry Redknapp how to speak like a cool teen. They started out with some basics, like explaining what 'peng' means, then handed him a whole verse of a rap which went 'Peng ting called Sandra, when I jump in my Range Rover' and with that, Harry Redknapp became the best rapper in the jungle and possibly Australia. He instinctively threw up a couple of gang signs and it was a done deal. Harry Redknapp is now vying for this year's Christmas number one and we must do everything in our power to get him there. Knock Nick Knowles off the top spot. He's had his fun, now Redders is in town.
5. Noel! Edmonds'! Luxury! Item! Is! Beard! Dye!
Imagine you were going into the I'm A Celeb jungle. What would you bring as a luxury item? Personally, I would bring a helicopter so that I could leave at any time. Others would go for a mobile phone to get an Uber, or maybe just a pillow and a comfortable bed. But Noel Edmonds has actually brought beard dye for his luxury item. The one thing he couldn't live without for a couple of weeks is beard dye. The man is a menace unto society and we need to lock him up and aggressively throw away the key. Not for the first time, I am going to hammer home the point that they've sent in the wrong one. It should've been Mr. Blobby or no one at all. Imagine him tripping over the campfire logs, setting his PVC self alight. Bliss, absolute bliss.
6. The portion size of scampi fries for eleven people was the funniest thing I'm A Celeb has ever done
Look at that! At a glance, there's five, maybe six scampi fries in that little wooden bowl. Fleur and Noel sacrificed taking luxury items for some of the celebrities back to camp in favour of the world's tiniest portion of scampi fries. Have you ever had a packet of scampi fries in the pub? It's a small quantity. They have literally decanted one single packet for eleven starving celebrities to eat. I'm A Celeb has pulled the greatest prank we've ever seen. All Harry Redknapp wants is his luxury chair, but he missed out on that because they chose to bring back six scampi fries, which all went to Nick anyway since he missed out on the banquet. Lol. Absolute lol. Lol.
Images via ITV