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18th Sep 2019

Six things you might have missed during last night’s GBBO

Ciara Knight

Week 4 – Dairy!

Still coming down from the absolute triumph that was GBBO‘s Dairy Week debut last night? I feel you. Get some liquids.

It was a mammal’s milk bonanza, with each bake, much like every other week on the show, containing dairy ingredients.

There was laughter, there were some tears, there were literal tiers and there was also a beautifully-timed Jim Halpert moment.

Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s GBBO.

1. Phil made the worst pun of the series (so far)

We may count our lucky stars that Mary Berry (gone but not forgotten) is no longer in the GBBO tent because last night’s show, dairy week, would’ve been insufferable. ‘Dairy Berry’ would’ve been said with gay abandon upwards of a baker’s dozen times, with Noel and Sandi turning inside out with laughter each time the joke was hypothetically repeated. Alas, Prue and Paul’s names aren’t hugely dairy-friendly when it comes to puns. ‘Paul Holly-would you like some milk?’ is the best I can do. Regardless, Phil drives a truck. Truck rhymes with fuck. Ergo, ‘Phil’s Trucking Lovely Rose Cake’ was born. I hope climate change hurries up.

2. Michelle tried to get away with some subliminal advertising during the show

As with any reality television show, all discernible logos and branding must be covered up so as to avoid any free advertising taking place. But Michelle’s t-shirt appears to have gone under the radar during last night’s GBBO because the term ‘LOL!’ was fully legible throughout. LOL of course stands for Lots Of Lettuce, which is something the Lettuce Society of the United Kingdom is eternally trying to spread. Michelle will now be faced with a hefty fine as the details of her sponsorship deal with the LSUK comes to light. She’s played a dangerous, leafy game deserves to fry for what she has done. Ideally on a bed of lettuce, served with a light garnish and a drizzle of olive oil.

3. Noel Fielding accurately represented how it feels to go back to work before your lunch hour is fully up

You know the feeling. You’ve eaten, had sufficient daydreaming time, caught up on all the relevant social media feeds and now you fancy giving back a little. So you return to your job a confident five minutes before the full sixty minutes are up. But as you approach your desk, you notice that there appears to be some kind of crisis going on. Everyone is distracted by the drama, so you peel out of the room quicker than a minor celebrity after receiving their obligator goody bag at an event. This is a man whose work-shy approach to one of the easiest jobs in the world is truly admirable. We stan a gothic, migraine-inducing-shirt-wearing legend.

4. Priya accidentally came up with an incredible tagline for the Great British Bake Off

‘The Great British Bake Off – I haven’t got time to cry’. It’s a smooth tagline and one that the producers of GBBO would do well to take seriously as a legitimate means of advertising the show going forward. The bakers barely have enough time to make a few biscuits, let alone fill a bath, light some candles, pour a glass of lukewarm rosé and then listen to the sweet sounds of Rufus Wainwright for optimum crying conditions. Priya had a nightmare during last night’s technical challenge, but she never lost sight of reality. She truly didn’t have enough time to cry, as she was too busy baking her pastry cases blind TEN MINUTES BEFORE THE TIME WAS UP!

5. Henry had a truly perfect ‘Jim from The Office’ moment

While the bakers were weighing their balls for making Mishti, Steph absolutely bodied Henry by saying that he “obviously thinks size matters”, at which point the camera panned beautifully, practically poetically across to Henry, who was rolling multiple balls across his palms at the time. He stared dead into the camera lens and very briefly filled the open wound left by The US Office when it finished up six long years ago. The similarities between Jim and Henry are plentiful, if you consider the fact that they both dress as if they are going to do a mind-numbing office job every day.

6. The bakers were so disappointed with their individual performances, not even the tent jester could cheer them up

Look at those ten miserable faces. Their ‘Maids of honour’ cakes were absolute dog shit, and not even the subtle eccentricity of Mr. Blobby could cheer them up. In an effort to promote positive mental health during this year’s GBBO, Mr. Blobby is reportedly said to frequent the tent, usually off camera, to keep morale high. He charges through the workstations like a hedgehog in a balloon shop, switching off ovens and bringing caramel to the brink of boiling point, then throwing custard on top just for sport. It’s like 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, except it’s just Mr. Blobby ruining everything about GBBO and forcing the contestants to have a meltdown. Honestly, this isn’t a bad premise for a show. Channel 4, call me.

Images via Channel 4