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9th November 2017
04:43pm GMT
At long last, we found out that The Apprentice candidates are human. It was Elizabeth's turn to answer the unnecessary early morning phone call where the candidates find out where the day's adventures will be taking them. Usually, the phone answerer has been up for a while and well on the way to getting preen and proper, but Elizabeth legitimately looked as though she'd just been dragged out of bed arse first and then hopped off every stair on the way down to the ground floor. Finally, some accurate early morning call recipient representation.
2. Lord Sugar was simply too important to attend the briefing, so he appeared via a crooked television screen
In the ultimate power move, they've made Lord Sugar significantly taller than both Karren and Claude, but also somehow managed to make the screen insufferably crooked. It's an eyesore. Nobody could concentrate on what he was saying because they were all too busy wondering a) how the fuck they managed to make him so lopsided and b) if this is what The Apprentice will be like in the future when Lord Sugar is no longer with us. Karren and Claude are immortal so there's no cause for concern there.
3. Andrew promised this man some beers that would really get him off 'his nut'
When you're a massive legend who frequently enjoys getting off your nut, it's important that you can recognise that in other people. Andrew made it abundantly clear on last night's show that he is a 'getting off one's nut' connoisseur, having been whiskey, beer gin and even vodka tasting in the past. But where he lacks in experience is detecting fellow 'getting off one's nut'-ers, disappointingly. This man has never been off his nut in his life. He remains firmly on his nut at all times.
4. Elizabeth used the teacher's finger to summon Sajan
Elizabeth had been acting like a primary school teacher throughout her duties as tour guide, so it came as no surprise when she tapped Sajan on the shoulder to summon him for a chat. She completely nailed the 'come hither' finger with such precision, it was obvious that she'd used it many times before. Sajan looked understandably worried as he was instantly brought back to childhood times when such a summoning usually resulted in a hefty telling off. Truly, what did we do to deserve Elizabeth McKenna?
5. Claude Littner had to go on a Segway and he openly hated every minute of it
Given that he was carrying out his usual duties as Lord Sugar's snitch, it made perfect sense for Claude to join the rest of the tour on a Segway. Although the grainy image above doesn't do it justice, I need you to believe me when I say that his facial expression was that of a deeply unimpressed man. He's got a pretty sweet job, all he has to do is follow these morons around and take note of their stupidity during each task. When something as exciting as going on a Segway arrives on his doorstep, Claude should embrace it. Instead, he had a face like a dog that's just been sent outside for doing a liquid poo on the new carpet.
6. One of the teams looked like an advert for the diverse range of eyewear available at Specsavers
Count them up. There are four pairs of statement glasses on display here. From left to right, you've got sensible, nonsense, risky and practical glasses being worn. The product placement on The Apprentice is usually kept to a minimum, but it's rampant this series. I'm quite sure that these candidates are using the platform to each launch their range of fashionable eyewear. Lord Sugar is a smart man, there's no way he hasn't clocked it yet. Fire them all. Only those with 20/20 vision are worthy of being his business partner.
7. Elizabeth got unfathomably excited about her team's reward of going punting
Her day of acting like a strict primary school teacher on a school tour paid off as Elizabeth somehow led her team to victory. Their reward was to go punting and truly, there has never been a more excited candidate in the boardroom. She pulled a variety of ecstatic expressions which further sickened the losing team. Before they went punting, I (like many others) had to Google what the h*ck punting was because I am not a millionaire who engages in such haughty activities. Her excitement continues to baffle us all to this very day.
8. Elizabeth and Sajan looked like an unlikely couple from a rom-com when they went punting
For some reason, Elizabeth decided to adopt a leering pose over Sajan for the entirety of their punting trip. It was slightly uncomfortable to watch, but not half as uncomfortable as how Sajan likely felt while he was experiencing it. It's impossible to look at this image without conjuring up a rom-com trailer in your head. "She's a 39-year-old florist from Nottinghamshire. He's a 24-year-old event company owner from Derbyshire. They thought they had nothing in common, until they got down to... BUSINESS!" If someone could make a voiceover for that, the nation would heartily thank you.
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