Day 33.
Yes, it is still going.
If you’re not watching Love Island, I’d like to take this time to congratulate you for being a truly superior being in every way. You’re smart, you’re strong, you are a hero. What’s more, if you don’t watch Love Island but still, 33 days since the show began, comment under Love Island articles with ‘This show is shit’, may I bestow upon you the highest honour of all: You are a legend.
Anyway, if you do watch Love Island, good for you.
Here’s six essential* moments you might’ve missed during last night’s show.
*may contain exaggeration.
1. Samira looked at a photograph of her and Shrek for comfort
It was a strange source of comfort for Samira who had previously been linked to Frankie in the Love Island villa, but not a surprising one. People turn to all manner of content to get them through times of hardship. Some watch Friends, some go for a hefty Hollyoaks omnibus and more commonly, many rely on the Shrek franchise to get by. Samira enlisted the help of a photograph of her with the world’s most famous ogre to ease her pain and we mustn’t berate her for that. We’re all unique snowflakes trying to navigate our way through this cruel and unforgiving path that we call life. Let her heal.
2. Jack has a tiny arm coming out of his shoulder
He’s been in the villa for two weeks and during last night’s show, Jack finally gained the courage to share his secret with the other contestants. Jack is one of the few people on earth to have a third arm. It’s a lot smaller than his other two, so can be concealed with clothing, but there’s no hiding it under the hot Mallorcan sun. Last night, Jack bravely shared his fitness-obsessed third arm with the islanders and their compassion showed great strength and acceptance of his struggles. Now Jack can be his true self, free from the burden of containing a secret. Finally, he is free. At long last, he can exhale.
3. The annual Love Island Orgy took place
As is mandatory each year, the Love Island Orgy finally took place in this series of the show. It was a long time coming, with viewers growing impatient in recent weeks. Finally, we got to see the islanders engage in group sex. The event was spurred on by the announcement that Alex would be going for brunch with new girl Alexandra, which evidently felt like the right time for the gang to go to town on each other. Georgia seemed to fare the worst as she’s seen squashed beneath Jack’s floral swim shorts in the middle, but ITV has said that all parties had a good time during the orgy and nobody was hurt. Congratulations to all involved. We look forward to the Love Island Orgy part two.
4. Georgia shaved a touching romantic symbol into the back of Sam’s neck
In what is sure to be their most romantic moment yet, Georgia helped Sam with shaving his neck. She carefully got to work on carving a heartfelt symbol into the back of Sam’s tanned neck, using precise motions to get the right result. It’s hard to decipher from this camera angle, but it seems to be a lopsided heart shape, with some shading involved. What a wonderful sign of love between the pair. Many have been dubious about Georgia’s intentions with Sam, but this is a clear sign that the two are stronger than ever. They are in love and it’s an unbreakable bond they’ve forged with each other. Love Island has triumphed once more.
5. Josh heroically defended the entire villa from the threat of an imaginary intruder
Look at Alexandra and Alex chatting away, not a care in the world. Dipping their toes in the pool and tanning as they go. The world is at their feet. It’s a safe and comfortable time for them both. But why? Mainly because Josh was busy patrolling the pool for imaginary intruders. He’s been keeping that villa safe for weeks without any thanks whatsoever. Look at his stance, he’s ready to fight. The imaginary intruder didn’t stand a chance once Josh’s fists of steel erected into position. Security is a real problem for the villa as the show grows in popularity, so it’s a huge help for the production staff to have an imaginary intruder eradicator like Josh staying on the island.
6. The ending of Inception impacted the islanders differently
The islanders gathered around the TV that gets wheeled into the villa every night around 9pm so they could finish the day off with a movie. Last night, it was Christopher Nolan’s neo-noir science fiction heist ‘Inception’ and the contestants were enthralled from start to finish. Leonardo DiCaprio puts in an unsurprisingly stunning effort as the lead, Dom Cobb, a professional thief who specialises in infiltrating peoples’ dreams to gain intelligence pertaining to a variety of crime. As many people know, the ending of Inception is quite confusing as it’s more or less open to interpretation. Clearly, Laura and Samira have deduced their own meaning, but Josh is in a bit of a bind. He’s stumped. As always, we wish him the best during this difficult time.
Images via ITV
