Manchester United are considering releasing and re-signing Marcus Rashford each week in a bid to ensure every game is his debut.
The audacious plan, leaked by sources at Old Trafford, will see the club attempt to carry out an audacious and never-before-attempted plan which they believe will maximise his talent.
Rashford has impressed enormously since breaking into the Manchester United first team under Louis van Gaal, and is a regular starter for the side now coached by Jose Mourinho.
However, his goals-to-game ratio (17 in 64 total appearances) pales in comparison to his record of debut goals, with Tuesday night's strike against FC Basel meaning that he has now scored on his first appearance in the Premier League, League Cup, Europa League and Champions League, as well as his debuts for Engand's under-21s and senior sides.
"It's just common sense"
Such is the disparity in the youngster's scoring statistics that many at the club, including his manager, believe it is imperative to consistently release and re-sign him in a bid to truly get the best out of him.
Speaking on Wednesday, an anonymous source at the Red Devils revealed that while no agreement is yet in place, negotiations were well underway between both player and club.
"Nothing is agreed as of yet, but we're getting there. To be honest, Jose only thought of the idea last night after the game. We all know Marcus is a wonderful player but when it comes to a debut he turns into Superman," said the source, before admitting that the club were still undecided over whether they should hold a press conference every time they re-signed Rashford, or simply return him to the team quietly.
"There are only so many more competitions he can debut in from here on out, so what better way to maximise his talent than making every single game he plays a new debut? It's just common sense. He's already proven it in his other debuts, so if our logic is correct he'll end up being the best striker we've ever had.
"And on top of everything else, signing him every single week will be a massive boost for the squad and the fans. They always love to see new players coming in, so to see the same fan favourite signed once a week will be a real treat for them.
"All of the minutiae and intricacies will be dealt with in time, but at the moment our main focus is getting Marcus released and re-signed in time for Everton on Sunday. If we can get him in before then, who knows how many goals he'll bag?"
The events, characters and sporting organisations depicted in this article are fictitious, except where they're not. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Or very much on purpose. Our legal department would like us to stress it's just for lols, innit.
