Finding accurate information in the last month of a transfer window is like cleaning out your oven. There's something shiny and new if you work hard enough, but often it's been so long that you forget what 'good' is meant to look like.
This month, instead of trying to bluff our way through and pass off guesswork as inside knowledge, we're going to bring you our thoughts on some of the most likely deals...as well as the least likely.
Today, as always, we have seven rumours for you ranging from nailed-on to 'nah', based on the information in front of us and nothing more.
1. Bastian Schweinsteiger - Manchester United to Bayern Munich (Sky Sports)
Schweini's time at Old Trafford seems to be up. He's been sent to train with the youngsters - much to the chagrin of brother Tobi - and there doesn't seem to be space for him in a new-look squad reliant on players with a fully functioning skeleton.
Bayern might feel like a sentimental choice of destination, but there's no reason why there wouldn't be space for him in the squad. There seems to be a growing need for glorified mascots in German football if Lukas Podolski's inclusion in the Euro 2016 squad is anything to go by.
2. Juan Cuadrado - Chelsea to AC Milan (Evening Standard)
Be honest, you'd forgotten Juan Cuadrado even still played for Chelsea, hadn't you.
The Colombian is still hot property in Italy, where he starred for Fiorentina and scored one of the Champions League's best goals while on loan at Juventus last season. Antonio Conte doesn't seem determined to keep him at all costs, so if Milan (managed by Vincenzo Montella, Cuadrado's boss in Florence) can meet the asking price we wouldn't be at all surprised to see this one go through.
https://twitter.com/btsportfootball/status/710198467822354432
3. Moussa Sissoko - Newcastle United to Real Madrid (Guardian)
Don't laugh. Seriously, stop laughing. Come back when you've calmed down and had a glass of water.
Ok, are you going to behave? Excellent. Sissoko might be public enemy number one among sections of Newcastle fans, but Real Madrid have a penchant for (a) buying players off the back of great performances at international tournaments and (b) signing mediocre Frenchmen in an apparent bid to make a comic juxtaposition with their massive fees for world stars. A transfer equivalent of DeVito and Schwarzenegger in
Twins.
https://twitter.com/walsh_i/status/378143947467808768
4. Rafa Silva - Braga to Tottenham (Evening Standard)
The least memorable member of Portugal's European Championships winning team (and that's saying a lot), the midfielder played less than five minutes in the whole tournament. It means you can be forgiven for not knowing who he is, at least.
Spurs' interest in the wide man is a little confusing, given their apparent closeness to a deal for Georges-Kévin Nkoudou, but it could well be all change at White Hart Lane with Clinton Njie and Nacer Chadli both linked with moves away. This one looks like it may come down to whether Braga accept Tottenham's valuation of the 22-year-old.
Mathias Hangst/Getty Images
5. John Stones - Everton to Manchester City (Daily Mirror)
One of the first rumours to surface after Pep Guardiola was confirmed as City's new boss, this one makes sense if the Blues can meet Everton's 'we've got money now so you'll need to pay through the nose' asking price.
Stones would improve City's defence, Guardiola's a fan of ball-playing centre-backs and the club's owners have backed big-money moves for centre-backs in the past. But maybe not *this* big.
https://twitter.com/killianwoods/status/711611254977200128
6. Romelu Lukaku - Everton to Chelsea (Daily Mail)
Dropping down one place after an update to this rumour - namely that Loïc Rémy could be included in a deal for the Belgian striker.
To which we say how many part-exchange deals do you remember? The Andros Townsend-Dwight Gayle deal from earlier in the summer is the only reason this isn't bottom of the pile.
https://twitter.com/O_DawesSport/status/760554240309882880
7. Arda Turan - Barcelona to Arsenal (Various)
It was a good trick, we'll give them that, but it was
a trick nonetheless.
That photoshop genius will have to try Arda next time. Thought you'd got all the way to the end without a pun, didn't you.
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