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24th Jul 2018

Watch Matteo Darmian accidentally kill bird during pre-season friendly

It was probably the most interesting thing to happen throughout the match

Reuben Pinder

Pre-season is full of all sorts of weird shit

Cricket scorelines, clubs flying 2000 miles to play on terrible pitches, 16-year-olds nutmegging world class players, own goals from 40 yards; pre-season can be truly bizarre.

Manchester United’s latest pre-season outing was a perfect example of post-World Cup summer months throwing up some bizarre events, as Matteo Darmian accidentally killed a live bird while playing against the San Jose Earthquakes.

Yep, killed it. Dead. The poor fucker. I mean, Darmian will not have been aware that the bird was in that position as he struck the ball, and he did not intend for this bird to die. I can’t emphasise this point enough. It was an accident. Like most stuff Darmian does on a football pitch.

But still, it happened. As the ball rolled across the gleaming California grass towards the United defender, and he prepared to wallop it up field, the terrified bird quickly takes flight. That turned out to be a grave mistake, as Darmian’s clearanced collided with the bird, ending its life. San Jose’s number 9 then goes to pick up the injured bird, before looking at it and realising that he’d actually rather not.

May the poor bird rest in peace, and Darmian’s conscience be free, for his did not mean for this to happen.