USA Soccer Guy’s English EPL League summarization

Like real unhealthy food in some fat kid's lunch box, this weekend has been full of soccer over in the United Kingdom of Britain.

On Saturday, EPL World Champions Chelsea Franchise Club took a trip to the soccering hardware store that is Uptown Park, where Westside Hammers nailed Juan Mourinho's guys to another defeat. Already losing, a major felony card for Matt Itch looked pretty bad for the once-good franchise. Gary A-OK Hill made the equalization but Angry Carol inserted the winner before the completion whistle. Things got even worse for Chelsea Franchise Club when they learned that Whatford picked up a win at Stoked City. In their EPL Freshman year, many thought before the weekend that the Bumble Mooses would be joining Chelsea Franchise Club in a battle to keep their asses from gettin relegationized. Goalshots from Dean E and Allman Aldi were enough to get the victory points on the board. Wes Brown's Albinos also got the victory points thanks to Ron Don's goalshot on the road at Norwitch City, sending the Yellow Ducks to their third straight defeat. With the home franchise dominizing the pass kicks and goalshot attempts, it's kinda hard to say that the Albino's got a fair result. Liechester can't believe how awesome they've been so far this season, and got the victory points once more thanks to another goalshot over the Palace Eagles. But the saddest news of Saturday came when Coach Surewould got his ass fired from Asstown Villa. Their 2 to 1 defeat to the Seaswans made Randy Lerner real mad and means that he'll have to go coach soccer some place else. Saturday's sundown soccer game saw the Soccer Cannons go beat Evertown to go back to the top of the EPL League Board for the first time in a real long time. Goalshot from G-Rude and Koszcezny helped them beat the Candies 2 to 1. Sunday started out with the Northwest derby, which saw Sunderland Franchise Club totally own New Castle 3 to 0. Things started to go real bad for the Soccer Skunks when Colonchini got given the major felony card right before the end of the first quarter AND concedified a deathstrike which was inserted. Later on, it was the Manchester derby which sucked. Jessie Lindegaard kicked the soccer ball on frame late on, but other than that, this game was as exciting as looking at somebody else's vacation photographs. It was a bad day for Bourne Mouth, with the Soccer Berries getting blown off their tree by Hurrikane and the rest of Tottenham Whitespurs. The England guy got himself a hat-tip as the Soccer Chikens inserted five as they showed thei supremacy of Bourne Mouth. Finally, the Southcoast Saints visited Mercyside to go play Liver Pool. When Darren Benteke head-kicked the home franchise ahead with his head late on, it looked like the victory points were staying with the Liver Ducks. But just when it looked to be over, the Saints' prayers were answered when they knotted up the scores with a real late equalization.