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13th Nov 2018

Premier League clubs are being asked to donate to a £5m farewell gift for the league’s executive chairman

Wayne Farry

Richard Scudamore

Dear readers, please take some time to read the unfortunate tale of a boy named Richard Scudamore

Little Richard Scudamore was a boy who grew up in Bristol, a city in the United Kingdom. During his childhood he had a strong love for the sport of association football, and always harboured dreams of one day earning ludicrous amounts of money working as an administrator for the Premier League.

Unfortunately for little Richard, the Premier League didn’t yet exist when he was a child, and so he would have to wait an agonising 40 years from his birth until he could achieve his dreams and take his seat at the top of the footballing table.

But achieve his dreams he did, through grit and determination, and against all odds that little boy who dreamed of one day earning ludicrous amounts of money working as an administrator for the Premier League did just that.

But sadly, that’s where our story turns because, devastatingly, little Richard will soon be stepping away from his role as executive chairman of the Premier League.

After enjoying the spoils of his position since 1999 – initially as chief executive and then as executive chairman – little Richard will be forced to live a life without earning £2.5 million per year including bonuses and move to a life of simplicity.

But you – yes you – can make that transition a little easier for little Richard, especially if you are the chief executive of a Premier League club.

For the one-time fee of just £250,000 you can donate to the farewell fund of little Richard and ensure that his retirement is spent in a level of opulence similar to that which he has experienced for the last two decades.

Please, find it in your heart to help little Richard out. Thank you.