Mourinho merchandise: Products that Man United could use Jose’s image rights for

It's a sign of the times.

With salary and terms agreed, and willingness from all parties to conclude the deal as soon as possible, the final stumbling block to Jose Mourinho being appointed the new manager of Manchester United was of course image rights. https://twitter.com/venkatananth/status/735718925221036036 It transpires that Chelsea had trademarked the 'Jose Mourinho' brand for everything from umbrellas to eau de cologne. Now those issues have finally been resolved and Mourinho is in place, we've come up with a few product suggestions for the marketing men at Old Trafford...

Mourinho coach hire 

Very expensive to run but will get you from A to B far quicker than your clapped out old Van. Experiences constant problems with suspension, and performs best when parked.

Mourinho contact lenses

Allow you to see exactly what you want to see, thanks to innovative new 'warped-reality' technology. Excessive use may cause eyes to feel gouged and sore.

Mourinho bra

Functional upfront, whilst remaining tight and secure at the back. Generally very supportive but is liable to snap at any moment. Proven track record in cups.

Mourinho moisturiser

Superb coverage, mainly due to its active agent. Provides immediate lift but effects can wear off quickly. Guaranteed to get under the skin of Catalans, and may cause irritation to Frenchmen.

Mourinho calculator

Everything is perfectly calculated and all the numbers look impressive. This model is particularly adept at division. Only comes with a three-year guarantee, but very effective counter.

Mourinho washing powder

Gets deep into your laundry and excels when dealing with grime and dirt. Somehow comes out looking whiter than white, even when washing dirty linen in public.

Mourinho chewing gum

Refreshing at first, it can leave a bitter taste in the mouth over time, and become very hard to swallow. Definitely not suitable for youngsters.