The JOE Monday Football Quiz: Week 1

You've heard about the JOE Friday Pub Quiz, now feast your eyes on the JOE Monday Football Quiz

Give a fan a quiz and they'll be occupied for a few minutes, teach a fan to quiz and they'll be occupied for life, trapped in a neverending hellscape of questions and answers, as their mind becomes consumed with terms such as "Dave Beasant" and "Kia Joorabchian". I'm not going to teach anyone to quiz though because then people wouldn't want to do this one: the JOE Monday Football Quiz. My name is Wayne and while reading this please imagine that you are sat in a horrible pub, next to your friends who aren't nearly as knowledgeable about football as they think. I am stood at the top of this premises, microphone in hand, throwing out grade-A zingers in-between questions. Zingers such as "What happens to Sadio Mane when you take away all but one of the vowels in his name?" You make him a "Sad Man". You're laughing uncontrollably now - sure - but if this were real life the room would have gone deathly silent, with only the sound of crickets riding tumbleweed to puncture the agonising void that I had created. Anyway, enough of the pleasantries. Below you will find week one of this tantalising offering. Round one (the first five questions) are roughly based on the weekend's football, round two is a particularly tricky set of questions in which you must guess (both current and former) footballers' identities based on three of their past teammates, while round three is what one may describe as general knowledge. Do enjoy, and let us know how you got on.