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14th Jun 2018

21 key phrases to get you through the World Cup when you know nothing about football

"It all comes down to bad management. If they're useless at the top, it trickles down to the players and onto the pitch"

Ciara Knight

There was a lot of heart coming from both sides.

If you’re reading this, there’s a strong chance you’re not into footy.

Relax, you’re safe now. This is a judgement-free zone. We’re not tracking your name or whereabouts with some advanced hacking software, passing on your information to authorities to get you locked up. That’s illegal and nobody cares enough to do that. Chill. You’re among friends here. Breathe a sigh of relief.

If football isn’t your bag, the World Cup can be a massive ordeal. Everyone’s talking about footy and doing their best to let anyone in earshot know that they are The Most Knowledgeable Football Fan In All The Land.

Not to worry. I’m about to arm you with the necessary tools to bluff your way through any World Cup conversation you might have inflicted upon you over the coming weeks.

Take note. This is important.

1. The players just didn’t want it. You could tell by the way they were playing.

2. It’s all about defence. If your defenders aren’t up to scratch, there’s just no point.

3. The referee is corrupt. His decisions weren’t fair.

4. Four years ago it would’ve been a different story.

5. It was a dirty game of football. Fouls all over the place. None of the players will be proud of their performances.

6. It all comes down to bad management. If they’re useless at the top, it trickles down to the players and onto the pitch.

7. He’s picked up bad habits at the new club, that’s not how he used to play.

8. The game was over before it even started.

9. Such a pity there isn’t a Universe Cup, we might actually win a match then!

10. If they’re not willing to put in the work at training, this is what happens and it’s a shame.

11. He never should’ve been put on the pitch, he hadn’t recovered from that injury.

12. It’s all politics at the end of the day.

13. The crowd were against them, the home team always has advantage in that respect.

14. Eleven men walked onto the pitch but only one walked off.

15. The half time locker room talk was what clinched it for them. They had fire in their bellies after it.

16. This will be his last world cup, he hasn’t got another four years in him.

17. Nobody expected that outcome, not even the players.

18. They lost concentration during the second half, it was obvious from the moment they walked onto the pitch. 

19. That match was always going to be the makings of the team, it was crucial and they knew it.

20. Not sure what they were playing out there, but it certainly wasn’t football.

21. That’s just how it goes sometimes. It’s impossible to predict these things. C’est la vie.

**Bonus Phrase – Conspiracy Edition**

The ball was over-inflated, you could see it in the way it was bouncing around the pitch. Something wasn’t right and FIFA are going to have to investigate it.