Don’t worry, starving Brits; you can now purchase food in pounds
Boris Johnson is reportedly set to announce the return of imperial measurements to mark the Queen’s platinum jubilee.
As millions of Brits are plunged further into poverty, you might wonder where the prime minister spends his valuable time. It turns out that Johnson is partial to outdated measurements. Who knew?
At least we all know Johnson follows through on his campaign promises, and he did mention the return of imperial measurements during the 2019 general election. So he stuck to one campaign promise.
Johnson is expected to announce the change this week in honour of the Queen’s 70-year reign.
“As the British people have been happy to use both imperial and metric measurements in their daily life it is good for the government to reflect that now we are free to change our regulations accordingly,” a cabinet source told the Mirror.
Imperial units were not banned before, and in fact, shops could display items in pounds and ounces as long as they also displayed the price in grams and kilograms.
Brits have been reacting to the news online, where the general consensus seems to be “why?”
The satire account of BBC journalist Laura Kuenssberg, known as the Laura Kuenssberg Translator, wrote a rather punchy tweet regarding the change.
BREAKING: Boris Johnson plans to bring back imperial measurements for the platinum jubilee. He also plans to replace pens with quills, computers with abacuses, clocks with sun dials & cars with horse-drawn carriages. Anyone who uses kilograms or metres will be hanged x
— Laura Kuenssberg beyond parody (@LKTranslator) May 28, 2022
“Boris Johnson plans to bring back imperial measurements for the platinum jubilee,” they wrote. “He also plans to replace pens with quills, computers with abacuses, clocks with sun dials & cars with horse-drawn carriages. Anyone who uses kilograms or metres will be hanged.”
On a more serious note, another rightly pointed out: “Anyone wanting to sell to people under 50 won’t use it: it’s confusing.”
Related: Read the Sue Gray report in full
I realise I should be at an advantage on this, but can someone here explain how imperial measurements actually work? They remain a mystery. Thank you sincerely, from everyone under 50. https://t.co/mqr8zNHjGg
— Hannah Fry (@FryRsquared) May 29, 2022
Another scathing comment reads: “Johnson plans to announce imperial measurements will be revived to mark Queen’s Platinum Jubilee and boost flagging support among Brexit voters. Then what? Corporal punishment. Return of death penalty. Bring back smoking in pubs. Time machine to transport them back 50yrs.”
But seriously, Johnson, maybe after the sundials and quills, you could address some of the very real issues facing the UK.
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