Vladimir Putin claims Russia has ‘invincible missile’

Can it curl in a last minute 35-yard free-kick against Greece in a crucial World Cup qualifier, though?

Ahead of the upcoming Russian election in 17 days time - which Putin is expected to win comfortably despite little actual campaigning and no real plans for the next six years - the current president has revealed details of a new cruise missile which, apparently, is invincible. The missile can, according to Putin, reach anywhere around the world and is "a low-flying, difficult-to-spot cruise missile with a nuclear payload, a practically unlimited range and an unpredictable flight path, which can bypass lines of interception and is invincible in the face of all existing and future systems of both missile defence and air defence." Do you know what else is a low-flying, difficult-to-spot cruise missile with a nuclear payload, Vladimir? Steven Gerrard's volley against West Ham in the 2006 FA Cup final. That was twelve years ago. Do you know what else can bypass lines of interception and is invincible in the face of all existing and future systems of defence, Vladimir? A Kevin De Bruyne reverse through-ball, mate. Sorry, we're just not that impressed. [caption id="attachment_165671" align="alignnone" width="1024"] Image credit Getty[/caption] During the two-hour long speech Putin listed his key policies moving forward which, in order of perceived importance, go something like: defence and territory, weapons, more weapons, an "invincible missile", a submarine missile thing, asking Russian people for naming suggestions for the missiles, a commitment to modernising Russia's nuclear arsenal, and then finally, somewhere near the bottom, the small matter of halving all poverty in Russia. It's about prioritising, yeah. Using a video presentation Putin demonstrated that the "invincible missile" could not be stopped by the US shield in Europe and Asia, but rather tellingly, he did not showcase whether the missile could penetrate a Tony Pulis orchestrated back five on a cold, windy night somewhere in the Midlands. We're fine. We're all absolutely fine.