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16th Jan 2018

UKIP Top Trumps: Party or partner – who should Henry Bolton dump?

Leadership or First Lady?

Oli Dugmore

UKIP leader Henry Bolton must choose between his girlfriend and his party.

A quick refresher. Henry was elected as party leader in September. He beat Anne Marie Waters, the “anti-Islam” candidate, to first place and proclaimed that UKIP had been saved from becoming the “UK Nazi party.” Not sure what that makes the 21.3 per cent of UKIP members who voted for her but hey ho. Let’s not split hairs.

Since then it transpires Bolton, 54, has split from his third wife and begun dating Jo Marney, a 25-year-old glamour model and self-described “presenter” and “Brexiteer.” Well, turns out, she’s racist. Curve ball.

Marney has an extensive and extending rap sheet. In ranting messages she has said that Meghan Markle will “taint” the Royal Family with “her seed” and pave the way for a “black king.” She added she would never have sex with “a negro” because they are “ugly.”

It was also revealed today that Marney has in the past claimed women refugees will “fuck a mangy dog for about ten quid and a Big Mac.”

So, Henry, the choice, as presented by UKIP, is yours.

To make things easier we’ve done a quick pros and cons comparison – rating each choice out of 10. It’s sort of like Top Trumps, except there are only two cards and the game is Henry Bolton’s life.

Things are somewhat complicated by the fact that, aside from stating he is capable of killing a badger with his bare hands, Henry has made few public policy announcements. He has, however, said he believes UKIP’s 2015 manifesto is a good baseline and template.

Belief in Britain

I mean it says it eight times Credit: UKIP

UKIP: 10

Massive, absolutely massive belief in Britain.

Jo Marney:  3

I think that J Marns thinks that she believes in Britain, it’s just her concept of Britain has more of a 1920s colonial vibe. Well, that’s what she conveys by waving around a signed copy of a book by Enoch Powell.

Space not race

UKIP: 3

In 2017 Paul Nuttall focused UKIP’s electoral campaign on Islamic integration and while that attention was not race-based, it certainly wasn’t space-based.

Jo Marney: -3

Yeah, it’s quite clearly all about race not space with Jo.

Honouring the military covenant

UKIP: 8

As far as hiring former servicemen and women goes, the party’s doing a great job – Bolton is ex-forces himself.

Jo Marney: 7

She hasn’t built a dedicated military hospital, or indeed hostel for homeless veterans, but she does wear a poppy.

Arbitrary, over-ambitious targets (bonus 3x multiplier)

Nigel Farage opened the 2015 manifesto with a promise that UKIP’s would be different to the other parties, devoid of “arbitrary, over-ambitious” targets and pledges.

UKIP: 2

The party’s stated aim is 0 net migration. And if the government’s “tens of thousands” pledge on the same matter isn’t arbitrary and overly ambitious then I don’t know what is.

Jo Marney: 7

“Presenter. Music Journalist. Model. Actor. Brexiteer” her bio reads. If the rest of her Twitter is anything to go by she’s doing a pretty good job of them all.

The winner

It’s a dead heat, 28 plays 28. Your move Henry…