The Ukip guide to Lithuania’s first XI against England on Friday

Giedrius Arlauskis - Goalkeeper. A safe pair of hands, with which to collect his monthly benefits. Georgas Freidgeimas - Defender. Probably wants a woman on Top Gear. #BringBackJezza Egidijus Vaitkūnas - Defender. Thinks climate change is actually a thing. Tadas Kijanskas - Defender. Doesn't want ID cards, which begs the question: What has he got to hide? Vytautas Andriuškevičius - Defender. Left-back...at the immigration pen if I had my way. Karolis Chvedukas - Midfielder. Wants to convert YOUR local into a mosque. Gediminas Vičius - Left-wing. Commie pinko bastard. Artūras Žulpa - Right-wing. Not bad actually. We could work with this one. Mindaugas Panka - Defensive midfielder. Likes to get forward. Why can't he just stay in his own half? Deivydas Matulevičius - Striker. Sounds like a trade unionist. Get back to work! Fiodor Černych - Striker. Sounds Welsh, probably one of that Plaid Cymru lot. Igoris Pankratjevas - Manager. No doubt a bureaucrat. Mind the red tape.