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27th Mar 2015

The Ukip guide to Lithuania’s first XI against England on Friday

Celebrating 20 years of the Schengen Agreement...

Nooruddean Choudry

Giedrius Arlauskis – Goalkeeper. A safe pair of hands, with which to collect his monthly benefits.

Georgas Freidgeimas – Defender. Probably wants a woman on Top Gear. #BringBackJezza

Egidijus Vaitkūnas – Defender. Thinks climate change is actually a thing.

Tadas Kijanskas – Defender. Doesn’t want ID cards, which begs the question: What has he got to hide?

Vytautas Andriuškevičius – Defender. Left-back…at the immigration pen if I had my way.

Karolis Chvedukas – Midfielder. Wants to convert YOUR local into a mosque.

Gediminas Vičius – Left-wing. Commie pinko bastard.

Artūras Žulpa – Right-wing. Not bad actually. We could work with this one.

Mindaugas Panka – Defensive midfielder. Likes to get forward. Why can’t he just stay in his own half?

Deivydas Matulevičius – Striker. Sounds like a trade unionist. Get back to work!

Fiodor Černych – Striker. Sounds Welsh, probably one of that Plaid Cymru lot.

Igoris Pankratjevas – Manager. No doubt a bureaucrat. Mind the red tape.

Spain v Lithuania - EURO 2012 Qualifier