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13th Mar 2018

This week’s Jamie Carragher coverage shows British media at its most ridiculous

A body language expert? A doctor analysing his saliva? Really?

Kyle Picknell

The Daily Carragher have run at least 27 different stories in less than three days.

Today the Daily Mirror took the bold decision to continue to squeeze the Jamie Carragher story for all it is worth. It’s hard to decide if that’s because they have absolutely nothing else to write about, or because they handed a substantial part of their yearly ‘investigations’ budget to a grown man for goading ex-footballers, whilst driving on a motorway, whilst on his phone, with his young daughter sitting next to him, and they’ve got to make the money count.

This morning the paper decided to get a body language expert to analyse Carragher’s apology and decide if he was worthy of our forgiveness. In doing so they managed to achieve what might have previously been considered impossible – descending even further than the initial farce itself.

According to their expert, a ‘career in politics’ awaits Carragher, whose apology we shouldn’t accept at face value because he moved his tongue about a bit and wrinkled a single nostril. Saying sorry to the family and then having him say it again on national television, clearly wasn’t enough to put this awful episode to bed because, after all, it’s only Tuesday and there’s a whole week of follow-ups to run.

It came after the Daily Mail ran after him through Euston station, and his employers at Sky made him sit and watch his own actions on the big screen before picking them apart, like a tenuous offside decision on Monday Night Football.

The broadcast media also joined the circus on This Morning, with the oh so lovely and oh so innocent Holly and Phil asking their resident doctor about the diseases that saliva can potentially carry. This as if to imply that Carragher’s underlying intention was to infect the teenager with tuberculosis, like some kind of cartoonish Bond henchman hell-bent on killing people in the most obscurely maniacal fashion possible.

It’s hard to react to this story with anything other than complete apathy now. They’re not just flogging a dead horse, they’re bringing it back to life over and over, just to kill it and then flog it again. At the rate we are going, the press won’t be happy until he is made to march up and down Manchester’s Market Street naked, whilst the crowd pelt him with rotten fruit, “Shame! Shame! Shame!”.

He has apologised to the family and been suspended from his job. Surely that should be the end of it.

In fact, let’s be honest, it should have never got to this point at all. The moment a father had his 14-year old daughter tell him to shut up and stop being a prat should probably have been the end of it. It would have saved the nation’s journalsts, the public and the body language experts a lot of time, and the Daily Mirror quite a considerable amount of money.