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30th Apr 2015

Sol Campbell: Political Commentator!


Nooruddean Choudry

Footballer. Style icon. Philanthropist. Prospective Mayor of London. Is there anything that Sol Campbell can can’t do?

Yes! Tweet without exclamation marks!!

On Thursday night, dear old Sol added a new string to his bow – that of political commentator. The North London flip-flopper was at hand to provide his expert opinion on the Question Time debates.

Campbell has been outspoken in the past over such everyman subjects as the mansion tax and recreational shooting, and was typically articulate in his views on David Cameron, Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg.

It all started with calm but wholesome praise for the Prime Minister. But Sol was far from impressed with Ed Miliband (who hadn’t taken the stage yet…)

It wasn’t until Ed actually made an appearance that the exclamation marks began to flow! ‘Labour sold the gold!’ was the rather random cry…

Then Sol came over all John McEnroe and seemed to suggest that Miliband was some sort of omnipresent God of fiscal slackness…

He then addressed the Labour man directly, claiming he wasn’t ‘fessing up’ about Labour’s pile of debt. Although how a deficit of money could be a ‘pile’ was unclear…

Whilst everyone was trying to figure out what ‘just no tuptoit’ meant (we know), Sol had accidentally switched over to an ITV2 repeat of Braveheart – the Scots were coming!

Concerned that the nation was being taken in by the Labour leader’s poisonous lies, Sol implored us all to unplug ourselves from the Matrix and see things for what they were…

Sol then morphed into ‎Joseph McCarthy and warned us that we were all sleep-walking into a future pinko-commie regime akin to that of Castro’s Cuba. Cripes!

Miliband stumbled as he left the podium, which was manna from heaven to a wit like Sol’s – he was straight in with the kind of zinger that may herald a future in standup comedy if the old politics didn’t work out…

By the time Nick Clegg entered the fray, Sol was all out of vitriol. Possibly seeing the Lib Dem leader as someone he could work with, our narrater was far more impressed with what he saw…

Phew!!! #phew