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31st Mar 2015

Scientists use e-fits to create the ideal man – and he looks suspiciously like Ed Miliband

One in a Miliband...

Nooruddean Choudry

Scientists have used computer machines to create e-fits of the perfect human face – and the ideal man looks eerily like Labour leader Ed Miliband.

edface i

Software normally used to draw up images of wanted criminals was utilised by clever sciency types to create the perfect man and woman. Whilst the female face resembled the likes of Olivia Munn and Emilia Clarke, the male profile was an uncanny ringer of the current Leader of the Opposition.

It seems the two-month study may have awoken something in female volunteers that had thus far remained latent. “The more I think about it, the more it makes perfect sense,” said a woman. “He looks like the type who would help me with Excel and then protect me from aggressive interviewers.”

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Another woman was rather more effusive: “There’s something about the North London Elite look that drives me wild. I want him to rip my clothes off in an extremely prudent manner, before having a full and frank discussion about what sexual position would be in the best interests of both parties.”

Ed Miliband declined to comment because there’s some sort of popularity contest going on, but he’ll be heartened to know that there’s a career in modelling open to him should he decide to pack in the whole being a politician malarky.