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Published 09:40 14 Apr 2016 BST
Updated 09:53 14 Apr 2016 BST
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And then, our antagonist is introduced.
And then comes the plot twist
Where things escalate rapidly...
And Patrick hatches his ingenious escape plan.
And we get our fun conclusion.
So there's your story folks. The lesson? Don't be a wang - or customer service folks will fake their deaths to avoid you.

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