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22nd Jan 2022

Fox News host says he’s no longer attracted to ‘inclusive’ M&M

Kieran Galpin

Who knew M&M’s were so sexy

A Fox News Host has revealed that he is no longer attracted to M&M’s after the companies decision to rebrand them as more “inclusive”.

Tucker Carlson, who is most known for his long rants about everything from Democrats to identity politics, has said he now finds the chocolate characters “less sexy” and “deeply unappealing.”

The move to a different style of the characters was to “underscore the importance of self-expression,” manufacturer Mars Wrigley said in a press release on Thursday. While the green and brown M&M’s usually wear heels, the rebrand has changed them to block heels and tennis shoes. But Carlson says they are “less sexy”, which is pretty strange considering they are lifesize chocolate characters.

“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them,” Carlson said. “That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity. They won.”

He then turned his attention to the orange character, who has now been designed to look more nervous.

He ranted: “Maybe he doesn’t like all the ugly new shoes he sees around him. Maybe he liked the sexy boots. Maybe the orange M&M is a secret sexist himself.”

But that’s not the mission at all, and in fact, the President of Mars Wrigley North America told CNN that the footwear changes were part of a larger campaign to make the characters more “representative” of the brand’s consumers.

While Carson has clearly lost one of his biggest fantasies, the move itself seems to have gone down well with consumers.

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