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14th Apr 2015

5 things that surprised JOE about the Green Party manifesto

We thought it was all about saving the rainforests, we were wrong...

Ben Kenyon

They’re green and now they’re getting mean.

The sandals are off as the Green Party launched its General Election manifesto under the banner of ‘peaceful political revolution’.

(We had hoped there would be some violent Medieval purge, but this will have to do).

You probably think of the Greens as a tree-hugging, beard-growing party of eco-warriors.

Well, they do loves trees, but they have seen membership spike to over 60,000 – which is more than Ukip and the Liberal Democrats – on the back of offering a social alternative to austerity and the Westminster elites.

JOE wanted to see what all the fuss was about, so here are five of their most interesting manifesto promises.

1. Quids in

The Greens are promising to increase the minimum wage to a whopping £10-an-hour by 2020. Just think of all the extra hover boards and space cola you’ll be able to buy. The future’s bright, the future’s green.

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2. Fat cat tax

No not overweight moggies, the Greens want to make Britain’s rich elites pay their ‘fair share’ with a wealth tax on the so-called 1%. It’s would be a double-whammy on the Little Lord Fauntleroys of this world by closing the old tax loopholes.

They want to follow 11 European countries by introducing the Robin Hood Tax on banks which shaves a few crumbs of money off every transaction they make.

Sure the banks will love that.

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3. Ditch tuition fees

Yes, you read that right. The Greens want to abolish tuition fees.

So instead of paying £9,000 a year to stay in bed, smoke weed and grow a beard, you’ll be able to do it for free. (The Germans don’t charge their young people to study and look at the sorry state they’re in…oh).

We imagine students would be dancing in the street, if they weren’t still asleep.

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4. Home sweet home

If you’re reading this in London, your landlord is probably holding you over a railing by the legs shaking every last penny out of your pocket.

It seems the Greens aren’t massive fans of this. The manifesto says they want to build 500,000 social homes, bring knackered ones back into use and abolish the bedroom tax.

Renters of the world unite – the party say they would put a cap on rent (Londoners rejoice) and licence landlords so renters are better protected.

Is there nothing in the manifesto for those hard-up property barons?

(NSFW)

5. Railing against train ticket prices

If you’ve ever been on a train you’ve probably vowed never to do it again. It costs you the price of a round-the-world air fare just to get from Walthamstow to Euston.

The Greens say rail tickets have risen 25% in recent years while wages have fallen in real terms. The party says it wants to bring back the halcyon days of British Rail when trains were cheap and dirty (and probably late).

They say bringing the railways into public hands again would mean cheaper fares for passengers and better investment. They would cut fares by 10% immediately if they were in power.

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