21 hipster crimes that absolutely deserve to be punished

1. Mini beef wellingtons served on BARBED WIRE:

Image: Twitter: @astridstaste

Is this one a beef wellington or someone else's skewered finger? Who knows, but it's all part of the fun!  

2. A watch that doesn't tell the time:

Image: backerkit.com

Coming soon: Shoes without soles and condoms which don't stop you catching gonorrhea.  

3. Gin served inside a hollowed-out cucumber:

Image: Twitter: @graphicbar

Because there's no way you'll feel like a dickhead drinking out of a cucumber. None at all.  

4. Two raspberries on a big rock:

Image: Twitter: @WeWantPlates

"Could we fit more raspberries on here, Tarquin?" "Hmm, might be risky, best just leave it at two."  

5. Curry served exactly as it will look a few hours later:

Image: Twitter: @FHFShow

Why not save yourself some time and not bother eating it in the first place!  

6. A seat which is just a tree stump, not varnished or anything, and costs $98:

Image: Reddit

Because $98 is much edgier than $99. And you know what else is edgy? Arse splinters.  

7. Winter berry and prosecco-flavoured crisps, with LITTLE GOLD STARS ON THEM:

Image: Twitter: @angus_podgorny

Come on, none of these things belong anywhere near a crisp, do they?  

8. A Sunday roast served on a high chair:

Image: Twitter: @vintagegaylady

Seriously, what the fuck?  

9. Deconstructed coffee, which comes in three separate chemistry lab beakers:

Image: Jamila Rizvi / Facebook

Here's an experiment, how about you take this back and then serve me a normal coffee in a normal mug?  

10. A "whisker dam" to stop you getting craft ale in your moustache:

Image: Twitter: @XERQio

Nope.  

11. A cottage pie served on top of an empty San Pellegrino can, like some sort of meat ice cream:

Image: Twitter: @reconz

Half for you, half for the pavement!  

12. Wine served in BABY'S BOTTLES:

Image: Twitter: @matthew_marrs

Is this a fetish thing? I bet this is a fetish thing.  

13. Unnecessary bicycles:

Image: Twitter: @brianjstultz

Notice the TWO Go-Pros this guys is wearing. We have to assume he's still riding around on this bike today since there doesn't seem to be a way to get off.  

14. A beer keg urinal, which just looks ready-made for splash back.

Image: Twitter: @Joe_363_

Which bit do you even piss in?  

15. Orange juice so freshly-squeezed that it hasn't even been squeezed yet:

Image: Twitter: @WeWantPlates

You just know this costs about £4.50. You know it.  

16. A sink made out of an oven, for some reason:

Image: Twitter: @edinamacic

You know how some stuff that's ridiculously hipster actually looks kind of cool? Yeah, this isn't that.  

17. Organic vegan genderless gingerbread figures:

Image: Twitter: @MindsOwnMelody

They've tried so hard not to offend anyone, and yet not realised that charging $2.50 for a gingerbread "figure" is offending EVERYONE.  

18. A public typing station, with typewriters, obviously:

Image: Twitter: @ASOS_Menswear

For when you're out and about, but suddenly realise you forgot to send that really important letter to your friend in 1884.  

19. Chicken croquettes in a shoe:

Image: Twitter: @vegasfoodwriter

You know where you can shove that shoe? Right up your... yeah, you get the picture.  

20. Random crap stuck into beards:

Image: Twitter: @grizzlybeardorg

"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, why are you such a wanker?"  

21. Jelly served on a sanitary towel:

Image: illicitempress.com

I want to die.