Brits don’t like saying ‘let’s have sex’ – what they say instead is just bizarre

Imagine it now: 'Hey, I like your haircut... let’s go balls deep'

A study has revealed that only 13 per cent of UK adults say let's “have sex” - and honestly, what they say instead says a lot about our country. Sex toy brand Ricky, who is responsible for such timely innovations as the Tiger King dildo, polled more than 2,400 UK adults to get to the bottom of the sex chat sitation. While they did discover the aforementioned stat, they also found that 78 per cent of us think saying “having sex” is uncomfortable and awkward. A further 87 per cent use slang phrases, with 57 per cent saying it's sexy to use slang. If you think “having sex” sounds “dull and scientific”, then you're perhaps a match with the 33 per cent of respondents who also thought so. Ultimately, it’s better than doing a Simon from The Inbetweeners and barking: “I’m gonna f**k your f******g fanny off, you t**t.” The UK did not hold back when prompted on their best replacement phrases. Here’s what they said:

• Scotland – ‘Rumpy pumpy
• West Midlands – ‘Bumping uglies’
• North East – ‘Nailing’
• North West – ‘Balls deep’
• South East – ‘Hanky panky’
• London – ‘Jumping bones’
• South West – ‘Shaking sheets’
• East Midlands – ‘(A bit of) How’s your father?’
• Wales – ‘Shagging’
• Yorkshire and the Humberside – ‘Getting the D’
• East of England – ‘Doing the nasty’
• Northern Ireland – ‘Bash’ n’ Dash’

On their findings, Ricky’s sexual wellness expert, Tracey Coats, said: “We can certainly see that people don’t lack creativity and imagination when it comes to describing their sex lives, especially those in the West Midlands who are 'bumping uglies' and South West residents with their ‘shaking sheets’. “Here in Great Britain, we may be accused of being ‘prudes’ and avoiding talking about sex in public, but those trying to conceal it with humour and discreetness might be in for a shock… most people will get the gist of what’s being discussed!” Related links:

• British people have been named the most sex-obsessed people in the world
• Women share their harrowing experiences of sexual harassment at football games
• Durham University offers training and support to students in the sex industry