Share
10th July 2023
06:52am BST
A relationship coach says women shouldn't date men who "can't afford their lifestyle", guys on a low salary "shouldn't be dating in the first place" and women are "investments".
Karla Elia earns her living teaching women how to find the right man for the life they want and believes "being treated right is the bare minimum". She suggests women shouldn't be treated equally to men - because women's time is "more precious".
The 23-year-old claims many clients struggle to find their perfect man because they have the wrong mindset. She insists the right man to go for is one with a "provider mindset" - who will give their partner the best treatment.
This including paying for all their dates before they're in a formal relationship and buying them gifts and flowers.
Karla said men who can't afford a woman "shouldn't be dating in the first place" - because they must add value to a woman's life to be worthy.
She said there's no fixed salary a man needs to be earning before he should start dating - but it needs to be enough to afford his partner's expenses and needs as well as his own, whatever they may be.
Karla, from San Diego, California, said: "In my experience, women are scared of speaking their standards.
"They think there are no men like this out there - when actually there is a big pool of men with the provider mindset.
"To find these men, you have to step into the energy of 'I am worthy, I am healing, and I am not making decisions from a place of insecurity.'
"We shouldn’t be treated equal to men, we should be treated as women and we’re special, we should be treated as precious. "A man needs to understand he has to be in a financial place to invest in a woman. We are investments.
"I know I can afford my lifestyle and if someone can't afford and add value to that, I would say 'thank you, next'."
Karla - who married her husband Dustyn Elia, 25, in May 2022 said the reason women don't find "high quality men" is down to their mindset.
She said Dustyn, who is currently transitioning career after six years in a high-ranking role in the US Navy, had no problems financially supporting her due to also having investments in the stock market.
Women need to adopt an "abundance" mindset, rather than a "scarcity" one, Karla says. A "scarcity" mindset is a belief based on insecurity that there aren't many people out there that are right for you.
An "abundance" mindset is dating knowing your worth and not making decisions out of fear of rejection. This is because Karla believes if you're on the hunt for someone to start a family with, women's time is "more precious".
She said: "When a woman settles down and gets married, fertility is not forever. "A man can make his life start over with a new girl at any age.
"As women, we don’t have that luxury. That means a woman's time is more valuable, because she has more to lose." Karla clarified a 'provider' man is not the same as a 'traditional man' who would want his wife to be a homemaker rather than working. She says a provider is a man who "strives to be successful in every area of his life - and understands his woman will have her own goals". She said: "They both have the common goal of creating a family, being stable and growing with each other."
Karla said women shouldn't be treated equally to men - and should be treated as "precious" because her time is "more precious".
She said the man should always pay when he is dating a woman or calls her his girlfriend and should be able to financially support his partner through her ventures. She said: "In my marriage, I wasn't stressed about paying bills or doing housework, so I had emotional stability, creativity and self-awareness.
"It allowed me to think about my goals and build my business up.
"During that time, Dustyn did that because he wanted to see me happy and grow my business.
"That's him getting a return on his investment - I invested in him, then he invested in me."
Karla said she has been accused of sounding "materialistic" for advocating for women finding a man with the provider mindset.
She said that's not the case - because a partner needs to add value to a person's life to be worth investing in.
"A woman adds value to a man immediately - when a man has a good woman next to him it, it signals he has something to keep her, and increases his attractiveness," Karla said.
"A woman can do everything by herself - so the way a man adds value to a woman's life is by giving her a sense of security.
"Because of this, a man needs to understand he has to be in a financial place to invest in a woman.
"Men who can't afford it should wait to date until they become more stable."
How to identify a 'provider mindset' in a man, according to Karla
1. Never expect you to pay on dates
2. Is willing to help pay for expenses, if you allow him
3. You can rely on him for anything - not just money
4. A man of his word and follows through with the plans he's made with you
5. He has no problem giving (e.g. time, effort, gifts)
How to identify a non 'provider mindset' man:
1. Does not see the value in investing in his woman
2. Is not generous with his time and money
3. Expects his woman to pay on dates
4. If he does pay for an occasion, he expects something in return
5. Always goes for 'cheap' options
Related links:
Explore more on these topics:
