One in 30 people poo in the shower and you all need to be stopped

Danny Jones

Respectfully, what the f*** are you lot playing at?

In yet another story we never thought we’d write, apparently, one in 30 people poo in the shower. Incidentally, we have once again lost all faith in humanity.

That’s right, according to a survey of more than 1,000 people carried out by Leicester-based bathroom providers QS Supplies, at least one in 30 of you reprobates sh*t in the shower. Wait until you hear where the shower is…

Among an extensive list of truly horrifying stats which include gems such as 18% of people only washing one to three times a week and 17% of blokes simply giving their genitals a quick wash in the sink, the data behind defecation is one that truly caught us off guard. For some, it’s clearly not a big deal.

My gf freaks out when I go to the bathroom in the shower

all the poo gets stomped down the drain, I don’t see the big deal. Everybody does it.

— B3rnoulli (@B3rnoulli_) December 17, 2021

Perhaps the most disgusting part is that not only did the research reveal this particular pooey statistic but the number actually relates to the number of people who sh*t in the shower at work. At. Work.

Worse still, alongside these shameful individuals, one in 20 also masturbated in the shower at work. Could you really not wait till you got home? I can’t even enter a work cubicle without doing a thorough sweep of the premises and setting up perimeter tape.

The only minor solace we can take is that this study was conducted across both British and American participants, so at least your chances of being next to someone who sees fit to take a poo in the shower are presumably less so if you’re staying in the UK.

We won’t go on forever because we simply don’t want to think about the levels of squalor some of you subject yourselves to, but we’ll give you one or two more.

Though it may not surprise you whatsoever, 45% of women and 41% of men admitted that they simply opted to “cover up,” their undesirable stench by spraying some sort of fragrance (trust us, it always penetrates the mask).

Moreover, of the approximately 40% of Brits and 61% of Yanks that said they bath together, 41% of those then completely shattered the mood by farting in a shared tub.

That’s it for us, you can find out the full extent of humanity’s depravity here if you wish, but we’re going for a wash – and we’ll be thoroughly checking our surroundings from now until forever.