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22nd Jun 2024

‘My girlfriend’s mad at me because I said she’s not worth a £8,000 ring’

Ryan Price

The boyfriend’s story has divided opinion online.

A 26-year-old man is getting slammed online for telling his girlfriend that she is not worth a £8,000 engagement ring.

The boyfriend shared his story on Reddit, where he goes by the username Dry-Body-7578.

He posted his experience in a subreddit titled Am I The A**hole, where he received over 12,000 views and over 4,000 comments.

He wrote: “I’ve (26 M) been with my girlfriend (26 F) for 4 years and we’ve recently been talking more and more about marriage.

“Although my GF grew up relatively well off, for the time I’ve known her she’s been pretty low maintenance. She’s never cared about designer brands, rarely buys new clothes, and the jewellery she owns was gifted to her. I have a decent job now (80k a year) and I’ve been saving for awhile, but growing up my family didn’t have a lot of money. My GF and I have always seemed to be on the same page when it comes to saving money. I assumed she would be fine with a more affordable ring. When I started looking into rings, I discovered moissanite rings, which look similar to diamond rings but are much more affordable. I was looking at rings in the 1500 -1800 range.”

He continued: “When I mentioned this to her she insisted she wanted a real diamond ring and sent me links to a bunch of diamond rings that she liked. The prices ranged from 6,500-10,000. I told her that I wasn’t willing to spend that much. She seemed genuinely mad and said it wasn’t “that expensive” We got in a pretty big argument over it. I told her that it was ridiculous to ask me to spend that much and that I thought she was more reasonable than that. She said I was being cheap and that I could afford it and that I was basically saying she wasn’t worth it. I told her no one is worth a 10,000 ring…

“Eventually my GF said she didn’t care and that I should get whatever ring I want but she’s clearly still mad and I know this is going to be a an ongoing argument. I’m a bit frustrated because this seems out of left field. I’ve always known marriage is super important to her but I didn’t realise she’d insist on a diamond ring.

“So I talked to my older sister about it, who despite agreeing diamond rings were stupidly priced, sided with my GF and said if I could afford it, she didn’t see the big deal. She added that my GF has done “so much” for me and I was being an a**hole about this.

What my sister means by my GF “doing so much for me” is that she was really supportive when I was in a serious car accident 4 years ago,” he added. “I broke multiple bones and required a few surgeries. Although where I live most healthcare is covered, I was unable to work for awhile and had expenses I wasn’t able to pay. I had been dating my GF for only 6 months at the time and she was really there for me. I couldn’t pay my rent so she let me move in with her for free and helped pay for a few expenses and for physical therapy I needed. She also helped me get a job with her uncle who was the VP of an insurance company (It was an entry level position and I had a business degree so it’s not like I was unqualified).

“Obviously I’ve thanked her for all she did for me but it’s not something we talk about much. I don’t think I’m obligated to buy an expensive ring because she helped me out a few years ago. But if my own sister said this I’m guessing my GF must feel the way as well. AITA here?”

The 26-year-old man received a lot more than he bargained for in response, and the general consensus was that he was being completely insensitive and out of order.

He later added a note underneath his original post, writing: “This post got way more attention then I expected. I’ve definitely reconsidered my stance. I’m going to talk about this more with her. Thanks for all your help.”

The top comment, with 11,000 votes, declared the poster as the a**hole in the situation.

They wrote: “She is typically low maintainance and agreeable. She supported you and stepped up when you needed her without complaint. She had asked for this one thing you find unreasonable, but can afford… it’s something she is going to wear every day for the rest of her life.

“Talk with her about it,” they added. “Ask her to explain why it’s so important to her, without interrupting or arguing (that part is important!) When it’s your turn, tell her why you think is too much (focus on how you could use that money together, not just on it being ‘wasteful.’ Why you find it wasteful even though you can afford it is what matters. “No one is worth $10,000” sounds a lot like “I don’t love you that much” in the heat of the moment.).

“Once you have both given real, understandable, calm reasons, try to find a compromise if you still disagree. A diamond is important to her, so can you give her a budget you feel is responsible? Can you nudge that budget into an area that feels slightly uncomfortable to you? Neither of you may love the feeling of compromise, but that’s what a healthy marriage takes.

“She’s already shown you the ‘richer/poorer, sickness and health part. Now show her you can work with her to find solutions when you disagree.”

The original poster provided more context in the comments and added: “Part of the reason for the cost is because she wanted at least a one-carat-ring with a particular cut, color and clarity. 

“She had clearly done a lot of research about it tbh. Maybe she would be willing to compromise about the ring price though. 

“Lol she’s definitely not a gold digger. Honestly my girlfriend has never brought up how much she helped me or asked me to pay her back – not even in a fight. But since my sister mentioned it, I just wondered if that’s how she feels. [I want to be] saving for a house, vacations [and] kids. I just paid off my student loans. I know how much weddings can cost. 

“Her parents would probably pay for most of it though. (This isn’t us being entitled – she’s said that she would love to elope, but it would break her parents’ heart, and that they even have money set aside for a wedding.)'”

Another user wrote: “YTA. This is a ring she’s going to be wearing 24/7 for the rest of her life. That is a HUGE deal. 

“By your own admission, she’s not a materialistic person – this is just the one thing she wants. $6,000 spread out over the next 60 plus years is absolutely a worthy investment for your future wife. 

“It’s not about you owing her for her helping you. She did that because she loves you. This girl never asks for anything. You should be doing this because you love her. It would be different if you straight up couldn’t afford it, but clearly you can.”

One of the few people who opted to side with the man in the situation, commented: “NTA. Diamonds aren’t even worth the price they retail for. Doesn’t matter if you have the money or not. It’s the thought that counts, and you should buy her something that’s her style, that suits her. 

“I don’t think the price tag makes it more sentimental. I think she should focus on putting that money into something more meaningful for you all, like a really dope honeymoon or a house. 

“I feel like people put too much pressure on the industry of marriage and weddings as a whole. Nothing wrong with choosing alternatives to diamonds.”