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17th Feb 2023

‘My fiancé wants me to wear a red dress to our wedding because I’m not a virgin’

Charlie Herbert

Her fiancé reckons it would be ‘deceiving’ if she wore white

A bride-to-be has revealed her fiancé wants her to wear a red dress on their wedding day because she’s not a virgin.

The anonymous woman, 27, from the US, shared her torment on Reddit’s Off My Chest forum at the end of last year.

In her post, the wife-to-be explained she met her future husband when she was 21 and the couple got engaged 10 months ago.

She described how her partner – who she gave the fake name Ryan – had mostly left the wedding planning to her and only given his input “here and there.”

But when it came to the subject of the wedding dress, he had some strong opinions.

One day in November, he came home from work and told her that he didn’t think she should wear white on the big day – because he thought it would be ‘deceiving.’

She wrote: “This was totally weird to me. Ryan is a very artistic guy, so I figured this was more about how the photos would turn out or something along those lines, but I’m set on wearing white.

“I told him this and I could see that he was annoyed but he let it go.”

When she picked up her white wedding dress two weeks later, the couple got into a huge argument.

Describing how he was “very annoyed”, she continued: “He asked to see the dress I picked, but I said no because I wanted it to be a surprise for our wedding day.

“He asked me to at least tell him what color it was, and when I said white, he threw a fit.”

She added: “I honestly do not see why this was a big deal, almost everyone wears white on their wedding day.”

Eventually, she managed to get him to reveal why he was so against her wearing white.

“He told me that brides only wear white when they are pure,” she wrote.

It turns out that this wasn’t the first time sex had been an source of conflict for the pair, with the woman explaining that she had a long-term boyfriend in school while Ryan was a virgin when they met.

This led to them almost breaking up after less than a year because of “how insecure he felt.”

Ryan even got his mother involved in the dress debate, but was left stunned when she took his partner’s side.

The post continued: “Two nights ago, Ryan, his mom and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress.

“His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he burst out crying.

“Ryan is still stating that me wearing white would be deceiving all of the guests and that it is different for guys.”

Unsurprisingly, the whole debate has left her wondering if she wants to go ahead with marrying a man so upset by the concept of his bride not being a virgin, adding that he is “not even religious so I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him.”

The overwhelming majority of people who commented on the post were on the woman’s side, and urged her to cancel the wedding.

One replied: “Look, if he is this insecure after six years together, things are not going to improve. Is he going to mention your “impurity” in his wedding speech?

“Is he going to try to leverage this in your marriage to get what he wants? Is he going to demand paternity tests for your children?

“I’d seriously consider what you are signing up for. Dude sounds messed up [as f**k].”

Another added: “Girl, run! Disrespectful, petty, immature, to name a few red flags.”

“Consider yourself dodging a bullet,” a third said. “He is not mature enough to be married.”

And a fourth made a very good point, asking what colour Ryan would be wearing to the wedding to indicate his sexual history.

They wondered if he perhaps thinks “only a woman should have to disclose hers while his is irrelevant or should stay hidden.”

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