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21st May 2018

Man caught filling hotel bathtub up with potatoes while wearing a bra on drugs

"It felt like the right thing to do at the time"


Naturally, we have some questions.

The Daily Echo has reported that a man was caught wearing a bra over his shirt whilst carrying a bag of potatoes into a Travelodge in Eastleigh during a five-day drug binge.

Police then searched his room and found a heap of drugs, along with an entire bathtub full of potatoes. Judge Peter Henry at Southhampton Crown Court questioned why 30-year-old James Johnson had done such a thing, to which he responded: “It felt like the right thing to do at the time”.

Frankly, I don’t need to hear any more information. That’s an expert response to a very heavy line of questioning and this could and should be turned into an episode of CSI: Eastleigh.

In the end, Johnson was given an 18-month community order and is required to carry out a nine-month drug rehabilitation programme.

As with any court appearance, the questions tend to be geared towards determining an appropriate sentencing for the crime. Unfortunately, there are certain aspects to the story that may never come to light.

For no real reason other than an insatiable thirst for #banter, I’d like to propose a more beneficial set of questions that should’ve been put to our potato-bath-loving friend.

  • Was the bath solely occupied by potatoes or were there other items present such as carrots or rubber ducks?
  • Did the bra match his shirt?
  • Specifically which combination of drugs led him to this situation?
  • What did the hotel staff do with the potatoes in the end?
  • Do potatoes float?
  • Is the bathtub still quite starchy to this very day?
  • How many potatoes does the average bathtub hold?
  • Where is the best place to store a large quantity of potatoes in a hotel room?
  • If Banksy did exactly what he did, would he be taken to court?

If you’re reading this, James, please let me know.