PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN
This week, the world is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the moon landing.
Commander Neil Armstrong and lunar module pilot Buzz Aldrin were the first two men to walk on the surface of the literal moon on 20th July, 1969 (nice).
At the time, the world witnessed this historic event on their beloved black and white televisions, or on dinky little radios that are now described as “vintage chic” by interior designers.
But imagine if Twitter was around fifty years ago while the moon landing was happening. Imagine how excruciating everyone would’ve been?
Let’s go one step further, let’s pretend that the moon landing happened today, in the year of our lord 2019.
It just doesn’t bear thinking about. Except that it does. With the addition of visual aids.
Here’s how Twitter would probably react if the moon landing happened today.
A self-appointed ‘Internet Comedian’ will designate themselves as the warm up act and official commentator for the moon landing. He will regurgitate some very exhausted joke formats, garnering little traction but continuing to tweet every 5-7 minutes regardless
A naïve Twitter user will misunderstand one of the aforementioned comedian’s weak jokes, replying earnestly out of the goodness of his heart
A conspiracy theorist is going to shit over everything and try to find a deeper meaning in the landing because he is 35, very sad inside and still lives with his parents
Thankfully, someone will play along with his lunacy and keep us mildly entertained
An aspiring journalist will be hungry for a scoop, clutching at straws for a quirky think piece to pitch to their editor
Someone who doesn’t watch the news or see any value in keeping up with current affairs will use Twitter as their own personal search engine
Celebrities will struggle to remain relevant during such a historic event, but persevere regardless
There’s going to be a massive rush to see who can create a parody account first, then subsequently run the whole thing into the ground
Finally, corporate Twitter is going to jump on that sweet, sweet gravy train, putting an end to an otherwise enjoyable day over on Twitter.com