1. Mini beef wellingtons served on BARBED WIRE:
Is this one a beef wellington or someone else's skewered finger? Who knows, but it's all part of the fun!
2. A watch that doesn't tell the time:
Coming soon: Shoes without soles and condoms which don't stop you catching gonorrhea.
3. Gin served inside a hollowed-out cucumber:
Because there's no way you'll feel like a dickhead drinking out of a cucumber. None at all.
4. Two raspberries on a big rock:
"Could we fit more raspberries on here, Tarquin?"
"Hmm, might be risky, best just leave it at two."
5. Curry served exactly as it will look a few hours later:
Why not save yourself some time and not bother eating it in the first place!
6. A seat which is just a tree stump, not varnished or anything, and costs $98:
Because $98 is much edgier than $99. And you know what else is edgy? Arse splinters.
7. Winter berry and prosecco-flavoured crisps, with LITTLE GOLD STARS ON THEM:
Come on, none of these things belong anywhere near a crisp, do they?
8. A Sunday roast served on a high chair:
Seriously, what the fuck?
9. Deconstructed coffee, which comes in three separate chemistry lab beakers:
Image: Jamila Rizvi / Facebook
Here's an experiment, how about you take this back and then serve me a normal coffee in a normal mug?
10. A "whisker dam" to stop you getting craft ale in your moustache:
Nope.
11. A cottage pie served on top of an empty San Pellegrino can, like some sort of meat ice cream:
Half for you, half for the pavement!
12. Wine served in BABY'S BOTTLES:
Is this a fetish thing? I bet this is a fetish thing.
13. Unnecessary bicycles:
Notice the TWO Go-Pros this guys is wearing. We have to assume he's still riding around on this bike today since there doesn't seem to be a way to get off.
14. A beer keg urinal, which just looks ready-made for splash back.
Which bit do you even piss in?
15. Orange juice so freshly-squeezed that it hasn't even been squeezed yet:
You just know this costs about £4.50. You know it.
16. A sink made out of an oven, for some reason:
You know how some stuff that's ridiculously hipster actually looks kind of cool? Yeah, this isn't that.
17. Organic vegan genderless gingerbread figures:
They've tried so hard not to offend anyone, and yet not realised that charging $2.50 for a gingerbread "figure" is offending EVERYONE.
18. A public typing station, with typewriters, obviously:
Image: Twitter: @ASOS_Menswear
For when you're out and about, but suddenly realise you forgot to send that really important letter to your friend in 1884.
19. Chicken croquettes in a shoe:
You know where you can shove that shoe? Right up your... yeah, you get the picture.
20. Random crap stuck into beards:
"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, why are you such a wanker?"
21. Jelly served on a sanitary towel:
I want to die.
