'I am simply a scared little girl doing something she has no choice in'
Deborah James has spoken about her fear of dying and the tragic reality that she will not see her children grow up in her heart-rending final column.
The
You, Me and the Big C podcast host has had stage 4 bowel cancer since December 2016 but, after years of defying the odds,
confirmed on Tuesday that she was receiving end of life care.
In her final column for
The Sun, the mum-of-two discussed her fear of death and leaving her family behind.
She said: “I do not want to die – I can’t get my head around the idea that I will not see my kids’ weddings or see them grow up – that I will no longer be a part of life that I love so much.
“I am not brave – I am not dignified going towards my death – I am simply a scared girl who is doing something she has no choice in but I know I am grateful for the life that I have had.”
James explained that she has prepared memory boxes for her children, Hugo, 14, and Eloise, 12, and bought them "gifts for certain key future birthdays."
She also confirmed that her active care has come to an end and that her care is now "all just about symptom management and trying to make me comfortable and meeting my desires to try and have the best quality death that I can."
https://www.instagram.com/p/CdWDrzYo3XM/
In the same social media post in which she announced the devastating news, James revealed she had set up a
JustGiving page to raise money for cancer research and to support campaigns raising awareness of bowel cancer.
At the time of writing, it has raised more than £2.5m.
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