50 of the funniest tweets from 2019 (so far)
Twitter, am I right?
It is a gigantic cesspit of nonsense at the best of times, but every so often, a legitimately funny tweet emerges from the woods.
That's the only logical reason for still being on Twitter in the year of our Lord 2019. The sporadic lols.
2019 has gotten off to a very strong start already. Users have surpassed themselves covering topics like catchy insults, menthol cigarettes, the best way to watch the Michael Jackson documentary, Peppa Pig's local zoo, opening your eyes during prayer, avian representation and much more.
We've still got another five months to go before the year ends, but things are looking promising.
So, in no particular order, here's 50 of funniest tweets from 2019 (so far) that you might have missed.
OMG watch out stuart little theres a car coming !!! Oh no he has air pods in he can’t hear us!!! pic.twitter.com/uQXDrt3PfW
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) January 16, 2019
Stop sending me this shit pic.twitter.com/JfJ8uCHqVt
— Mike Tyson (@MikeTyson) January 16, 2019
We're half way there,
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) January 17, 2019
Do you think, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?
— Justin Staggs Ⓥ (@Staggfilms) January 18, 2019
Keep your Glenns Close and your Glennemies Closer
— 3 eggplants, water squirring, train, ghost emojis (@oskrNYC) January 23, 2019
some earrings i ordered on aliexpress never arrived and they asked for photo evidence??? pic.twitter.com/4KzGBK2eVt
— IRIS (@irispompeii) January 27, 2019
mate it was over 20 years ago. Bit late. pic.twitter.com/OaYRMci9Ie
— Thomas Gorton (@AngstromHoot) January 27, 2019
Hangman is a lovely childhood game where you slowly draw a man killing himself if another kid can’t read your mind.
— Felicity "on maternity leave" Ward (@felicityward) February 3, 2019
Seal? I haven't heard that name in years pic.twitter.com/fhpy6vfclc
— Hozay Montana (@Hozay__) February 5, 2019
My favourite insult pic.twitter.com/wEK01k8OFr
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) February 6, 2019
friend: i’m hungover
me: stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone’s gonna hear us. over
— rudy mustang (@rudy_mustang) February 17, 2019
smoking a menthol cigarette but popping the button halfway through so u can have the mint part for dessert? gourmet.
— charles henny macintosh (@gravezez) February 21, 2019
the funniest thing i’ve ever said was on april 11th 2009 to my dad’s cat and no one else was around to hear it. a car horn honked and he hopped off my bed and ran downstairs and i said “oh shit is your ride here” and laughed alone to myself for like five minutes straight
— 🔸𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝓉𝑜𝓂🔸 (@YuckyTom) March 1, 2019
I left my headphones charging at home and now I can hear my thoughts and it’s awful.
— Romesh Ranganathan (@RomeshRanga) March 7, 2019
your 👏🏻 guacamole 👏🏻 fountain 👏🏻 will 👏🏻 go 👏🏻 brown 👏🏻 unless 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 set 👏🏻 up 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 lime 👏🏻 juice 👏🏻 misting 👏🏻 apparatus 👏🏻
— Face (@Arr) March 9, 2019
3. Most succinct version of the Bible
— Dave Cactus 🍊 [PARX IN 5 DAYS] (@dave_cactus) March 13, 2019
this is every journalist headshot pic.twitter.com/4SxZTgpn1k
— Ruchira Sharma (@RuchoSharma) March 19, 2019
if i die and come back as a hillbilly is that called reintarnation
— slutty satanist™ ✨ (@_garbage_girl_) March 20, 2019
Theresa May’s speeches. pic.twitter.com/q3P5g64FSD
— Anna Mazzola (@Anna_Mazz) March 20, 2019
Watched the Michael Jackson doc in bed with the kids
— Mike Scully (@scullymike) March 10, 2019
Me: *drops wallet in front of pretty girl*
Her: you dropped your wallet
Me: oops haha would you look at that pic.twitter.com/If7q3hsIe8
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) March 30, 2019
Joaquin is just quinoa pronounced in reverse
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) April 3, 2019
Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriends when they turn 23 https://t.co/QJ7RXZvPot
— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) April 4, 2019
panic! at the disco all dads
closing the goddamn door
— deck the halls w kimmymonte ❄️ (@KimmyMonte) April 5, 2019
I think we all deserve to know what's in those cages pic.twitter.com/lbbCL0Zbdp
— Jeb the llama (@LlamaInaTux) April 4, 2019
when ur pregnant n find out it’s a boy pic.twitter.com/pKLSd1GA98
— knee v 🕊 (@yungbeefcake) April 6, 2019
— Jade Hayden (@JadeHayden) April 7, 2019
Attn Christian Parents: the band Kiss may sound innocent but their name is short for KISSING
— Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) April 10, 2019
teaching my son to catch a vibe instead of a baseball when he gets older, like a man
— pinar (@pienar) April 24, 2019
when you start reading a new jacqueline wilson book pic.twitter.com/NzAw1ayKh5
— rob (@ghoulcabin) April 29, 2019
Who called them feet pics and not photoes
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) February 15, 2019
Your circus name is
your first name + your surname
that’s it. you’re a clown.
— smol boi zaa (@ZahraDee) May 1, 2019
I have to admit, every time they upgrade me to First Class for free, I get a pic.twitter.com/WiNceXdFen
— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) May 2, 2019
accidentally opened my eyes during prayer at church and saw jesus doing the worm
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) May 1, 2019
Representation is so important pic.twitter.com/gWuZBrmaFP
— Punished ‘Venom’ Sara (@The_LogLady) May 17, 2019
Me when I’m on the phone to my friend Colin and the receptions bad: pic.twitter.com/D5ZoBQp9Sr
— Paul Black (@paulbIack) May 17, 2019
Me when my alarm goes off pic.twitter.com/NodaGuBNzf
— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) May 22, 2019
Theresa May will resign next month to make way for her successor Theresa June.
— Michael Fry (@BigDirtyFry) May 24, 2019
Cher is married to West Ham footballer Mark Noble and that’s why she just uses her first name
— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) May 27, 2019
Gonna make you mine better get in line 3,5,7,9 https://t.co/L8RhpQtYLu
— Danny Mcloughlin (@dannymccomedy) June 5, 2019
I have to rate the self belief of the IT guy who cancelled my service request, remotely controlled my computer and is now (accidentally?) allowing me to watch him google how to fix the issue
— charlotte (@charlotte_gggg) June 12, 2019
a woman just watched me type over my phone and went “wow, small font.” feeling pity for my haters, riddled with absolute jealousy at my fresh, supple young eyes
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) June 14, 2019
It's only physics if it's from the Physique region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling math
— Anna Hughes ☃️ (@AnnaGHughes) June 22, 2019
ROOMMATE: you need to do the dishes
ME: [just started Mad Men] what makes a sink a sink? Care? Attention? No. *puts out cigarette* Experience.
*reveals poster that says The Dishes: Let’s Just Leave Them Like That*
— graham ross techler (@gr8h8m_t3chl3r) June 13, 2019
"Street! Street! Street!" pic.twitter.com/1Yd4G0Uy9T
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) June 24, 2019
Me: can I have a turn in the hedge now
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) July 1, 2019
Enjoyed #Panorama and the interviews with people saying children reading about being gay makes them gay. Finally an explanation as to why I am now a cat in a hat.
— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) July 15, 2019
Me after using “raison d’être” in a sentence pic.twitter.com/w07gyQoKgU
— Curry Bradshaw (@queerdiscox) July 18, 2019
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of pic.twitter.com/HwLL8JcPLf
— bella fahmi (@ogbellafahmi) July 21, 2019