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30th April 2019
06:01pm BST

This summer, your feet are going to get very sweaty. You'll be tempted to go sockless, but that always results in your shoes getting prematurely smelly.
Sure, you could wear flip flops or sandals, but you're better than that. We all are.
Now, I'm telling you that there is a third option. You could wear fanny pack Crocs. For banter, but also secretly for practical reasons.
Sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself for banter. The Gods aren't always providing an endless supply of the stuff, so you have to chip in. Maybe you'll wear a jazzier than usual ensemble to the club, or put Jack Johnson on the work sound system for a laugh. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as the intentions are pure.
You have it within your power, right now, to be the talking point of summer 2019 with these conversation piece shoes.
Squelch your way across the sticky pub floor with a handful of sparkling cider beverages for the gang. Glide through the supermarket looking for barbecue food. Squeak your way across the altar to give a eulogy, the notes for which you've folded tightly and packed into the fanny pack portion of the Crocs.
This isn't about Crocs anymore, it's about forging real connections with those around you. Chatting mindlessly about various sporting events or movie releases or throne-related television shows isn't enough anymore. You need to make memories, not conversations.
Fanny pack Crocs are a talking point, but they're also a blank canvas for banter. Think of the homemade memes your friends will drop into the group chat, the various news articles about Croc-related sexual escapades your friends will tag you in for years to come, the nicknames (Fanny pack Croc legend, Fanny Pacquiao, Dwayne The Croc Johnson, etc) to be bestowed with.
People are divided into two categories, those that create banter and those that absorb it. Take a proactive approach with fanny pack Crocs. Be the talking point you've always wished to be.
Sacrifice your reputation for banter.
Wear fanny pack Crocs.
Live.

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