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26th Jul 2016

13 fucked up things video games allowed us to do

The Sims wasn't about life. The Sims was about death, and more death.

Rich Cooper

 1. Red Dead Redemption: Hog-tying people and leaving them on train tracks.


As soon as you learned how to hog-tie folks and sling them on the back of your horse, you were off. The train tracks of the Old West were littered with innocent people waiting to be obliterated by ten tonnes of steam-powered death.

2. GTA: Having sex with hookers, then killing them to get your money back.


It’s hard to know which is the more fucked up reason for doing this: the simple pleasure of killing prostitutes, or the hard economics of getting a larger return on your investment. If you have to ask…

3. The Sims: Murdering families in the most twisted ways imaginable.


Everyone pulled the old get-in-the-pool-then-remove-the-ladder trick, but the point of The Sims was to be as creative as possible with the ways in which you killed your creations. What’s that? That wasn’t the point of The Sims? Then what the hell was it for?

4. Super Mario 64: Throwing a baby penguin off a cliff.


Cool, Cool Mountain was the chilliest level on Super Mario 64, especially when you decided to throw a lost penguin over the edge of a cliff rather than return it to its distraught mother – it doesn’t get much colder than that.

5. Modern Warfare 2: The ‘No Russian’ massacre.


It was hard to feel good about mowing down a departure lounge full of innocent passengers, but it certainly set the tone for MW2. You could skip the level altogether, but curiosity definitely got the better of everyone.

6. Roller Coaster Tycoon: Creating roller coasters that kill everyone.


You can still hear the screams now, can’t you?

7. Fallout 3: Nuking Megaton.


You didn’t have to nuke Megaton. You could have saved Megaton. But you didn’t save Megaton. You nuked it.

“Now that, my friend, is beautiful.”

8. GTA V: Torturing Kerimov.


GTA again, this time pulling teeth from the mouth of an alleged terrorist. Or waterboarding him. Or electrocuting him. Or beating him with a wrench. It’s up to you to decide how best to torture Ferdinand Kerimov, and a right barrel of laughs it was too.

9. Manhunt: Pretty much everything.


Manhunt was tricky to get hold of in the UK, with some retailers refusing to stock it due to its hyper-violent content; the BBFC refused to give Manhunt 2 a certification, effectively banning it. Even now, the executions and brutal kills are still pretty grim, particularly when the chainsaws came out.

10. Tomb Raider II: Locking the butler in the freezer.


You wouldn’t think that locking an old man in a freezer could be considered to be on ‘the lighter side of things’, but after nuclear bombs, teeth extraction and blunt force trauma, we’ll take it.

11. Portal: Incinerating the Weighted Companion Cube.


“It’s just a cube. It’s just a cube. Don’t cry. For God’s sake, man, don’t cry. It’s just a cube…”

12. GTA IV: Massacring people in the hospital.


What an irony, eh? You go to the one place that can heal you, next thing you know you’re riddled with bullets and bleeding all over the place. Ho ho! What a life.

13. BioShock: Harvesting Little Sisters.


It’s possible that you’ve never actually seen this image before, as you couldn’t bear to kill a little girl for the sake of a bit more ADAM. It’s also possible that you had no qualms about harvesting Little Sisters and killed every single one that you could. Only you can know your own level of depravity.