Day 16.
Cowabunga dudes, what a wild ride we experienced during I’m A Celeb last night.
Despite some speculation, we can confirm that these people are still very much celebrities and still very much want to get out of there.
This latest episode was the usual mish mash of moaning, hunger, dunny conversations and fantasising about all the glorious food they’re going to eat when they get home, such as pasties.
As with every episode so far this series, we learned some valuable lessons.
1. Stanley Johnson has a fruitful career in advertising ahead of him
Not only has the man provided us with a plethora of suitably cringe puns throughout this series of I’m A Celeb, but he’s now branched into the world of slogans as well. When Toff volunteered herself to take part in the latest Bushtucker trial, Stanley took all of half a minute to devise what could well be The Slogan Of The Series. He loudly announced “When the going gets tough, Toff gets going”. Their fellow campmates were stunned at such a staggering commitment to punnery.
Stanley is 77 years old. He’s been a politician, an author and a noted expert on environmental and population issues. This is an incredibly accomplished man who’s reached an age where he’s earn a well-deserved period of rest and relaxation. Rather than doing so, he’s out here in the Australian jungle dropping quality pun upon quality pun. Now he’s dipping his toes into slogans as well. Advertising agencies across the UK are shook. Don Draper could NEVER.
2. Snakes are NOT fans of Made In Chelsea
Toff heroically volunteered herself to be put in a giant box filled with snakes and suspended above the ground to win some food for the camp. So many snakes were shoved into the box, but not one of them was starstruck at the sight of Georgia ‘Toff’ Toffolo off Made In Chelsea. They kept their snaky composure and got on with the job at hand – terrorising a minor celebrity from the UK. Toff was understandably freaked at the slithery creeps mauling her whole body, but no selfies were requested.
A couple of snakes got quite close to Toff’s face during the trial, presumably to confirm that it was indeed Georgia ‘Toff’ Toffolo from Made In Chelsea, but for the most part they remained totally unfazed by her. Perhaps it was due to her incessant bitching with Mark-Francis on the show that caused the snakes to take a dislike to her, or that time she was nasty to Liv when they were both dating Francis. Snakes are known for holding grudges and it appears that these ones were harbouring some ill feelings towards Toff. She was very lucky to escape with her life intact.
3. Amir Khan doesn’t know how to use a rotary phone
Fiz quickly worked out that the phone’s two pieces each served a purpose. Amir was using the handheld piece to hear the campmates on the line, then trying to talk into it as well. On no fewer than five occasions, Fiz showed him that the larger piece contained the microphone, but Amir persisted with his own logic. He listened and then spoke into that handheld device like a champ, albeit a champ that doesn’t understand how old phones work.
An enormous spider wasn’t enough to deter Fiz, as she held and correctly used the phone receiver while Amir watched on, still attempting to talk into the speaker. What we’ve got here is the equivalent of an older sibling giving their little brother or sister a Playstation controller that hasn’t been plugged in, purely to keep them quiet and under the illusion that they’re playing along as well. Fiz is a smart cookie and knew exactly what she was doing.
4. Hairy melon is a thing that apparently exists?
When the food arrived in the campsite via its usual unexplained air drop, excitement flooded the place. All eyes were on the ragged bag it came in as they discovered that they would be having possum for tea, as well as a side of hairy melon. Jamie was ecstatic and did his best to avoid launching into a rendition of the Happy Mondays’ ‘Step On’. Everyone rejoiced at the prospect of such a generous treat, despite not knowing precisely what a hairy melon entails.
Turns out it grows as a fruit and then turns into a vegetable when fully ripe. It’s got a fuzzy texture when young and basically is quite an uneventful fruit / vegetable. But nevertheless, we all owe a great deal to I’m A Celeb for giving us the knowledge of such a bizarre piece of food. Truly, it is a show that is both entertaining and educational. Before last night’s episode, many of us had never heard of a hairy melon, nor been aware that Amir Khan isn’t able to use an old telephone. But look at us now, practically drunk with knowledge.
5. There is nothing in this world more enjoyable than sucking meat off a bone
After dinner, Toff indulged herself in the camp’s possum bones, to much delight. Look at her face, she is beside herself with enjoyment. These poor souls are starving, so when a good meal comes around, they cling onto it with both hands. Toff heroically won all nine starts which meant everyone got a decent meal, so she sure as heck deserved to lay into those leftover bones once everyone else had finished devouring theirs. Never has there been a more excited person perhaps in the history of I’m A Celeb.
Such was her enjoyment, Toff then invited Jenny over to have a go at one as well. The pair of them were the most content women on earth, huddled over the campfire sucking on some possum bones searching for any remaining slivers of meat. They may be celebrities, but their interests are just like yours and mine. Tell a friend, tell everyone you know to suck on a delicious possum bone today!
All images via ITV
