Curb Your Enthusiasm has one of the greatest scenes of swearing in TV history
"Scum-sucking, motherfucking whore!"
That's just one of the masterful cuts of swearing taken from 'The Grand Opening', the finale of the third season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. The show debuted its eight season six years ago and we hadn't heard a peep since, until recently when it was announced that Curb would be returning for a ninth season in October. Rejoice!
For those unfamiliar with the show, Curb Your Enthusiasm is a half-hour comedy show in which Larry David, co-creator of Seinfeld, plays a semi-fictionalised version of himself, in which he frequently causes unnecessary drama by refusing to bow to certain social conventions, or through one or more of his many faux pas.
It's on HBO which, if you're familiar with their output, means that it's almost completely free from censorship. Some of the things Larry says and does are utterly gobsmacking, and yet the beauty of the show is that nine times out of 10 you find yourself thinking, "You know what, Larry? You're right."
Larry is a fundamentally lovable character, but he's not afraid to get into an argument. It doesn't matter if you're a stranger on the street or an A-list celebrity, Larry will get into a slanging match with you anytime, anywhere, and over almost anything. If you're in the wrong, Larry's gonna let you know about it. If he's in the wrong, you're still in the wrong.
While much of Curb is focused on Larry attempting (and often failing) to settle scores and right wrongs, the finale of Season Three, entitled 'The Grand Opening', is a different matter.
In Season Three, Larry is invited to invest in a new restaurant in Los Angeles called Bobo's. The many ups and downs - of which many of the downs are Larry's fault - are chronicled across ten episodes, with the restaurant opening in the finale.
One of the aforementioned downs was Larry firing their head chef because he wore a toupee (Larry has a kind of code of ethics when it comes to baldness, among many, many other things), which meant a replacement had to be found ASAP. Luckily, they manage to find a great French chef to step in at the last minute.
The problem? He has severe Tourette's syndrome, and is prone to outbursts of extreme profanity. Oh, and the kitchen faces out into the dining area. So what, you might ask, could possibly go wrong on the opening night?
"Fuckhead, shitface, cocksucker, asshole, son of a bitch!"
And with those words, the fate of Larry's restaurant is sealed. In a peculiar moment of selflessness, Larry steps in to try and remedy the situation, launching into the foul-mouthed pronouncement we started with. One by one, the entire restaurant joins in with their own strings of expletives, culminating in what can only be described a symphony of swearing.
It's magical, not least because it's a rare moment in Curb when someone isn't mortally offended or seething with rage, but the quality and variety of swearing is just exquisite, with special plaudits going to Susie Greene for her inimitable outburst: "Fuck you, you car-wash cunt!"
One of the best moments in sitcom history, perhaps even TV history. Roll on October. It's time for Season Nine.