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02nd Jun 2018

Coronation Street’s Pat Phelan is finally dead

Goodnight sweet prince

Kyle Picknell

He was taken away in a body bag. Pretty sure there’s no coming back from this one pal.

On last night’s Coronation Street the infamous villain Pat ‘Notorious P.A.T’ Phelan met his maker in the form of arch nemesis Anna Windass, who proceeded to stab him to death after he shot his own daughter.

He also managed to shoot Michelle Connor who managed to survive, meaning his grand total of murders on the cobbles stays at 4, which is actually quite a pathetic number. In the words of Matthew McConaughey in The Wolf of Wall Street: “You’ve gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers.”

Phelan had a bit of an emotional one in his final stand, shooting his daughter and then getting a bit wobbly about the fact that he had just shot his daughter. In response to this emotional trauma, he proceeded to attack someone else, that person being Michelle, and then carry her, unconscious, to the Bistro, presumably for some croissants to settle the nerves.

He got trapped in the kitchen so had to improvise, taking the bride-to-be hostage, before Anna appeared out of nowhere to stab him through the heart with a big knife, as though he was a vampire. Pat being Pat, he still managed to shoot Michelle whilst he himself was dying. Classic. What’s he like?

Actor Connor McIntyre reckons Phelan’s death was a fitting end to his ‘reign of terror’, if you can call it that. Only four people died, so you can’t really, that’s only a light killing spree, that would only get you two stars on Grand Theft Auto, but whatever.

“The viewers deserve that pay off because love him or hate him, we’ve taken them on a fine yearlong odyssey and we’ve frustrated them, entertained them and delighted them in equal measure so it had to reach a conclusion,” he said.

‘A fine yearlong odyssey’, of course, being the most ambitious term for a soap plot about an angry murderous builder there has ever been.

“The next baddie, whoever that may be or whatever form that may take, needs to get on with their business instead of it being about whether Phelan is still around.”

The next baddie, whoever he or she is, had moderately sized shoes to fill, and I hope they realise that. Goodnight sweet prince. We’ll miss you.