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23rd Feb 2018

Charlie Sheen just put his huge mansion on sale for a ridiculous price

Arsene Wenger is rumoured to be bidding £1 above the asking

Kyle Picknell

To be fair, it looks spectacular.

Charlie Sheen has done an extremely Charlie Sheen thing and put his mansion up for sale for $9,999,999 (£7.16million).

That’s right, only nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine dollars. No, not $10million. Of course not 10 million. That would be ridiculous. That’s amateur hour real estate my friend.

The former Two and a Half Men actor was earning $1million per episode but his contract was terminated by the show in 2011. He is now selling his Beverly Hills home, which includes vital mod-cons such as a swimming pool, a cinema room, an extra swimming pool and an extra cinema room.

Let’s take a look at the pad, shall we?

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This is Charlie Sheen’s gym.

Charlie Sheen has a pirate’s treasure chest sat in his gym.

Any further questions?

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Of course he has a wet bar. Obviously Charlie Sheen has a big fuck-off wet bar.

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Here’s one of the pools. Presumably this one is for just sitting in and smoking cigars rather than any actual swimming.

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And this one is for his famously competitive mixed-water polo tournaments.

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You got enough plants on your house mate? Enough fucking conversion of carbon dioxide into breathable oxygen for you there, pal?

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I don’t know about you, but I find it best when the chairs are facing the screen in a cinema, rather than in the opposite direction.

Oh look, another bar.

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Nailed it. The red mood lighting is, how do you say, a vibe.

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This is just a bedroom, isn’t it? Just a fairly nice bedroom. You’d have a decent kip in there, I reckon.

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I can’t see a bar in this picture, but presumably there is one. Like you press a secret button and the fish tank will rotate into the wall or something. Out comes a model with a drinks globe. Surely he has this installed. Surely he has this technology.

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Charlie Sheen’s kitchen is actually mildly disappointing. I don’t know what else to tell you. Soulless. I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t this. That’s me out of the bidding.