Alternative captions for Brooklyn Beckham’s moody photo shoot

He's 18 years old now, he can handle the #memes.

At approximately 2am UK time this morning, the world changed forever. Brooklyn Beckham uploaded the following Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/BYepW87D9x-/ Thirty images that have rocked the world more than ever before, also known as a photo shoot. Unfortunately, the only captions that Brooklyn has chosen to share with us are the file numbers. This simply won't do. I shall now waste valuable time captioning these images in a similar vein to Brooklyn's usual patter. This will help us better identify the images whence they are inevitably included in the history books.

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Have an itchy boob   FFS Mum WHY do we always have to take photos on the first day of school?   So glad the barber left every cut piece of hair to accumulate on my neck   Slept weird - woke up with a crick in my neck   Just got my wisdom teeth out - OUCH!   Double history classes on a Monday morning, little bit leave it   Bit of dust went in my eye, hate when that happens   Empty bus and you've chosen to sit right beside me. Nice one.   I can crack my knuckles wanna see?   Well I used to be able to, give me a second...   Hear that? Told you I could do it   Having a quick feel of my junk. Yep, still there   YOU FUCKIN WOT M8?   NOW TELL ME AGAIN THAT I CAN'T PUT TWO TOPPINGS ON MY MCFLURRY I FUCKING DARE YOU   That's more like it. Dairy Milk AND Crunchie, thank you. Few Smarties also wouldn't go amiss   FFS DON'T JUST GIVE ME A HALF AMOUNT OF THEM ALL, I WANT FULL SIZED TOPPING PORTIONS   America can try, but they'll never be able to ban *these* guns   Need to get up but my bed is so cosy lol   Walked up two flights of stairs. Fucked.   Yeah I wear slim fit jeans but that doesn't make me any less of a man   Thinkin' bout feminism   Shouldn't it be called 'Doctor Whom'?   Do I look Chinese?   Check if I'm getting enough iron   Yeah I'd love to hear all the health benefits of your plant-based diet

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Images via Instagram