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Published 22:35 1 Sept 2017 BST
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FFS Mum WHY do we always have to take photos on the first day of school?
So glad the barber left every cut piece of hair to accumulate on my neck
Slept weird - woke up with a crick in my neck
Just got my wisdom teeth out - OUCH!
Double history classes on a Monday morning, little bit leave it
Bit of dust went in my eye, hate when that happens
Empty bus and you've chosen to sit right beside me. Nice one.
I can crack my knuckles wanna see?
Well I used to be able to, give me a second...
Hear that? Told you I could do it
Having a quick feel of my junk. Yep, still there
YOU FUCKIN WOT M8?
NOW TELL ME AGAIN THAT I CAN'T PUT TWO TOPPINGS ON MY MCFLURRY I FUCKING DARE YOU
That's more like it. Dairy Milk AND Crunchie, thank you. Few Smarties also wouldn't go amiss
FFS DON'T JUST GIVE ME A HALF AMOUNT OF THEM ALL, I WANT FULL SIZED TOPPING PORTIONS
America can try, but they'll never be able to ban *these* guns
Need to get up but my bed is so cosy lol
Walked up two flights of stairs. Fucked.
Yeah I wear slim fit jeans but that doesn't make me any less of a man
Thinkin' bout feminism
Shouldn't it be called 'Doctor Whom'?
Do I look Chinese?
Check if I'm getting enough iron
Yeah I'd love to hear all the health benefits of your plant-based diet

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