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29th Jul 2018

Alexandra’s mum lays into Dr Alex on tonight’s Love Island

Janice has had some serious words with the large pink one

Kyle Picknell

Safe to say he’s been knocked down a peg or two

You may or may not know about my feelings towards Dr Alex, but they are strong. And that’s without even scratching the surface on his toxic sense of entitlement.

Fortunately, I won’t have to carry out another article-based drive-by personality assassination of the giant man-lobster.

Alexandra’s mum is going to do it for me.

Tonight’s Love Island is the notorious parent’s episode, which involves all the loving mothers and fathers of the contestants suddenly appearing on the island to have a cup of tea, a nice chat, and fingers crossed, to fuck shit up.

Obviously, this isn’t good news for Alex after he bumped off Alexandra, by all accounts a lovely person, with all the sensitivity and grace of a moth flying into a lightbulb.

You know. Until it dies. Until it dies from flying into the lightbulb too much.

Janice, Alexandra’s mum, is obviously aware of the situation and presumably would have been watching daily as Alex strung her daughter along before ultimately deciding he didn’t actually like her all that much, but not before he managed to complete the worst date of all time and drive a Ferrari exactly how you would imagine Alex driving a Ferrari.

Before laying into the doctor who looks like a River Island footwear assistant, Janice took aside her daughter to inform her that yes, yes she had basically been plotting Alex’s murder.

“This is from our perspective, part of the problem,” she said. “I’ve been trying to pull myself back from constantly feeling ‘I could kill him!’

“He thought he could just drop you and pick you up at whim, and that’s not how life works,” she went on to explain, pretty much summing up the thoughts of everyone at home who has watched Alex flail about helplessly these last few weeks.

And when she did get to sit down for a little chat with Alex himself, she didn’t exactly hold back, asking him: “That was one thing that I didn’t grasp. When you recoupled and you seemed to expect her to be grateful, and you I think made some comment ‘what’s the matter with her, why she’s so grumpy?’

“What did you expect a girl to feel like after she’d been rejected and then you dared to bring her back to her side? I thought ‘hey young man, I’ll have words with you!”

Fortunately for Alex, Janice didn’t, in the end, resort to physical violence or a 1000 word article essentially calling him a big, pink weirdo over and over again.

All things considered, he got off very, very lightly. But I am personally looking forward to hearing him get told off and then have to stumble awkwardly through a half-hearted semi-apology to someone’s actual mum on national television.

Will he turn a slightly deeper shade of pink? Tune in tonight to find out.

(Yes. Yes he almost certainly will.)


Love Island