Search icon


25th Jun 2018

Alex finally ‘lets rip’ on Love Island after warning the villa

"Don't act cocky Alex, it just doesn't suit you"

Kyle Picknell

There are two more constants after death and taxes: Alex is still very pink and he is still very getting pied

Alex isn’t a happy bunny on Love Island. Not only is his regularly application of factor 600 not doing a damn  thing to stop him resembling a bit of sushi, but his latest coupling is sinking faster than the Titanic.

The crux of the situation is this:

Alex, a tall, handsome in a bland Topman mannequin type way, doctor, can’t for the life of him get anyone to fancy him, even a little bit, on a show called Love Island, literally full of people fancying one another.

It’s quite sad, actually. It’s actually a little bit pathetic.

Anyway, his latest coupling fiasco is with Ellie, a girl who sleeps as far over on the other side of the bed as possible in case he leans in for a cuddle, or worse, to give her ‘a bit of chat’. Now it has gotten to the point that she can’t even talk to him as she prepares to give him the big boot.

Well, he’s had enough. He’s had enough of girls not fancying him because he is an absolute sponge and calls his favourite position “doggy fashion”.

The time has come, ladies and gentlemen.

Alex… Alex is going to let rip.

Uh oh.

Well, how did it go? It went a bit like this:

Ellie let rip.

Alex did not.

She knocked him back into place.

He just turned a bit redder.

Good work, chief. That’ll teach them to mess with you.